The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - 20th August 2021

[Kuryakin]

I think people should prepare themselves for nothing else happening this window.

WIll you stop relaying ITK things then?

 

[ButchCassidy]

I haven't got the time to write something new right now, but almost ten years ago to the day, this.............

_____________________________________________________

First posted on 18 August 2011

Reservoir Flogs

The Date:
2nd September 2011 The transfer window has not long closed and the fans aren't happy. Spurs beat the deadline by 22 seconds to secure the signature of former Real Madrid striker Hugo Sanchez, now aged 53.

The Scene:
The Boardroom at White Hart Lane. Shouting and chanting can be heard from outside as police and stewards battle to contain an unruly mob from breaking down the gates to the ground.

And so we begin.............
Spurs Chairman Daniel Levy strides briskly into the boardroom and sits down at the head of the table.

"For fucks sake!" he shouts as he disappears below the level of the table. A secretary rushes to his side and places two large books and a cushion under the Chairmans arse so that he is seated at the same height as everyone else.

"Right.............I've gathered you all here today to find a scapeg....erm to find out who is to blame for all of this"

His snake-like eyes flickered around the boardroom. Matthew Collecott was eating a McDonalds Happy Meal and playing with the Papa Smurf figure that came with the meal. Sir Keith Mills was idly picking his nose, he withdrew his finger, examined what he'd dug out with idle curiousity and flicked it across the table at Donna Cullen who was absent mindedly leafing through an Ann Summers catalogue. To his left, Kevan Watts was sat playing Fruit Ninja on his iPhone and Harry Redknapp was doodling on a pad of paper, Kevin Bond was sitting staring at the ceiling, whistling.

Suddenly the huge plasma TV on the wall flickered into life as the satellite link with the Bahamas kicked in and Joe Lewis appeared on the screen sat in a chair stroking a cat with more than a little of the menace of Ernst Stavro Blofeld about him.

"So" he began."Have we decided yet?"

"No Uncle Joe, we're just about to start" replied a smug looking Daniel Levy. And he had every right to be smug. He'd just finished a report in which he'd investigated the clubs canteen finances during which a switch he'd instigated from PG Tips teabags to Tesco Value ones had saved the club £14.33p per month. The new stadium wasn't going to pay for itself was it?

"Get back to me when it's done Danny" said Lewistapping the side of his nose and then the screen went blank.

The sound of the crowd was drifting into the boardroom and the chant 'we
want Levy out say we want Levy out' was getting louder and louder as more and more fans arrived to protest.

"I think you dropped a massive bollock this time Danny" said Redknapp, "the boy Sanchez was a top top player but that was in the 80's when he was 25, they ain't 'aving it this time"

He went on......

"164 goals in 207 games for Real Madrid is a triffic record but he's in his 50's now, what the fuck did you think you were doing?"

Donna Cullen looked up from her catalogue and asked "Do you think it inappropriate if I bought a Red teddy?" Levy rolled his eyes and replied to Harry "Look, it's about saving money. He's got a great record and comes cheap. He assures me he's fit and its the best I could do given the time we had"

Redknapp laughed. "You had three bloody months, not to mention last January and not to mention the summer before that. In a whole year the best you can come up with is Hugo fackin Sanchez?"

"No wonder they want your head" He laughed, pointing out the window toward the fans. "You done it this time Danny, you and your last minute games, you've well and truly done it now"

Levy smiled."Well they aren't getting my head are they. Now lets cut to the chase. Who are we going to blame? Who do we have who can take one for the team?"

Keith Mills looked up and said "What we need is a DoF" then resumed excavating the contents of his nose. "Not all the time I got a hole in my arse" said Redknapp.

Suddenly the noise of the crowd got appreciably louder. A secretary with extraordinarily large tits burts into the room and said that the crowd had broken through the gates are were now trying to break through the very doors of the office complex.

"right.....that's me out" said Redknapp, "Here's my resignation, i'm off to manage England" Before he could get out of his chair a crowd burst into the boardroom. The occupants backed away into one corner as the room rapidly filled up with what appeared to be almost exclusively spotty nerdy looking teenagers.

Redknapp pushed Levy to the front of the group who were by now huddled at the end of the desk by the windows. "Who are you and what do you want?" said Levy.

"You've made us look like a proper bunch of bullshitters Levy and we've had enough" growled a guy who looked like a cross between the Milky Bar Kid and Joe 90.

"I can explain everything, signing Hugo Sanchez wasn't my idea" replied Levy, who by know was sweating his bald tits off.

"Sanchez Schmanchez, that isn't what we're here for......grab him boys!"

Several of the crowd lurched forward, grabbed Levy and tied him to a chair.

"What's going on? What are you lot playing at?" Asked Donna Cullen "You can shut it treacle, keep your gob shut and you might get out of here in one piece" He went on........."My name is BEN and i've got every Spurs ITK here with me. For far too long now you've made us look bad and now you're gonna learn your lesson"

Daniel Levy squirmed and struggled against the rope, if only he hadn't spread so many falsehoods, led so many people up blind alleys and went to such great lengths to hide Spurs real transfer targets."I promise to go back to how it was" he said, panic starting to set in.

"All the names we gave out, all the clues, everything was for nothing and you ruined us Levy. You couldn't flog any of the shite we had on the books and now we're looking like right proper shysters. Well now it's time to meet a couple of friends of mine"

BEN took out his iPod and selected a track. He looked at Levy and smiled as he pressed play.

The song Stuck in the Middle With You by Stealers Wheel broke into the otherwise electric silence, the assembled ITK's parted as two men dressed in black suits, white shirt, black tie and sunglasses walked in each holding a cut-throat razor........

Mr Levy, meet my friends..........Mr Blue and Mr Yellow.

Mr Blue and Mr Yellow stopped in the centre of the room and danced around Levy, whose eyes were wider than Danielle Lloyds legs at a Spurs end of season party. Every few seconds one of them slashed at him with their razor, missing him by inches. You could cut the tension with a knife as the song played out and Mr Blue and Mr Yellow continued their macabre dance.

"I hope you lot are watching this" BEN asked the assembled board members.

"Watch and learn what happens when you mess with ITK....and you Harry, enough with the fucking interviews OK?"

Harry nodded furiously. He was twitching so much that his face looked like his eyeballs were plugged directly into the mains power supply. The big titted secretary stared on in erotic fascination. She reached into her pocket for her compact roger rabbit and silenty slipped into the executive slash house.

Suddenly a window broke and a canister rolled into the middle of the room and exploded, giving out a searing flash of light which blinded everyone in the room. The lights went out as the doors to the boardroom were blown off and several SAS Troopers rushed in. Shots were fired and confusion reigned as the room became a hellhouse of shouting, screaming and shadowy figures flitting across the room.

What seemed like hours later but was in reality only a few minutes, the smoke cleared and all of the ITK's were lying on the floor, dead. One of the SAS men untied Levy and asked if he was OK.

"Yes, yes I am thank you, but you cut it fine didn't you?" The SAS man winked at Levy "Knowing how much you like to do things at the last minute we thought you'd appreciate the irony"

"Whaddya mean they cut it fine?" asked Kevin Bond. "You mean to say you knew this was going to happen?, you actually planned this whole thing?"

The big titted secretary emerged from the bog, looking rather flush in the face and weak at the knees. "Have I missed anything?" She asked, looking furtively about her to see if anyone had guessed what she'd been up to.

Levy smiled. "How else was I going to finally rid us of this ITK stuff that has been undermining what we're doing for so many years? Now we're free of it, we can get on with our business without the need for so much secrecy, for today, for the first time in many years, ITK is dead!"

Everyone stood and applauded Levy. They even gave out three cheers and sang 'for he's a jolly good fellow'

Everyone except one man. One man, whose head was covered with a black floppy hat. The shadowy figure wrapped a black cape around him, covering everything but his eyes which glinted at Levy as he whispered to himself

"That's what you think Danny boy" He turned, his cape flowing around him as he did so.

And like a Phantom, he was gone................

Solved it, it spells out “PAPE SARR” if you take the first letter of each word and ignore the ones that don’t fit

 

[eddiev14]

If Sampdoria are prepared to sell Damsgaard we should be all over that for his creativity and forward passing. Especially if Ndombele is on the way out.
Really reminds me of Eriksen.

 

[dtxspurs]

According to Romano.

And Ally Gold. These aren’t bullshit merchants. If deals were close they would know.

 

[chas vs dave]

And Ally Gold. These aren’t bullshit merchants. If deals were close they would know.

Ally gold was oblivious to Bryan Gills signature. They only know what the club has told them.

 

[dtxspurs]

Ally gold was oblivious to Bryan Gills signature. They only know what the club has told them.

But Romano broke it…

 

[rossdapep]

And Ally Gold. These aren’t bullshit merchants. If deals were close they would know.

Unless the club are keeping stuff very close to their chests in order to prevent a battle or knowledge about finances. AG has been blindsided by transfers in the past.

Gil came out of absolutely nowhere and AG was certainly unaware until it was almost done.

Regarding Sissoko. I do wonder if he's holding out for a better offer before he decides he has to go to Qatar. We had links to Milan, so perhaps he's clinging to that and refusing to go until that is dead.

He can't be happy with facing a season of zero football before a WC year.

 

[fletch82]

Tenner in on top of my monthly sub.
God I'm good to you Rob

 

[chas vs dave]

But Romano broke it…

Yep. But it doesn't mean they are always right

 

[peterballb]

Lots will still happen. Kane will either be gone (and we will be buying) or he will be staying, meaning a backup will come in (that's where Traore makes sense). So that is something for sure.

Every window is the same. Players that need to be gone, all want "better" clubs and more money. Reality is, if they were all that, we would not be offloading. Ndombele wants to go to Barca or RM. Good for him. Further reality is the lesser clubs do not value them as we do, largely due to the wage bill, which is beyond them.

Lastly, many of those we want in, are waiting on a better offer with a bigger club, or are playing the rumours to get a better wage packet. Only at the end of the window will they then look down their realistic options and decide if the move is what they want.

So, players not in Nuno's plans will stay, not play, and take their money (a la Rose), or they will go out near the end of the window. We will also have players who determine that Spurs is a great option at the end (a la VanDerVaart).

Just how it is. Buckle up. After Kane domino falls (one way or the other) and the Wolves match is in the rearview mirror, it's going to be busy at THFC.

Sarr and Nandez are both very interesting possibilities. Huge potential young kid on the one hand and unrelenting versatile engine on the other who I think would fit in well with a Nuno team.

 

[WhiteStripe]

I think people should prepare themselves for nothing else happening this window.

Suppose it would at least mean we have a £160 mil striker that nobody expected….. even if he is a ****!!!

 

[synththfc]

Lots will still happen. Kane will either be gone (and we will be buying) or he will be staying, meaning a backup will come in (that's where Traore makes sense). So that is something for sure.

Every window is the same. Players that need to be gone, all want "better" clubs and more money. Reality is, if they were all that, we would not be offloading. Ndombele wants to go to Barca or RM. Good for him. Further reality is the lesser clubs do not value them as we do, largely due to the wage bill, which is beyond them.

Lastly, many of those we want in, are waiting on a better offer with a bigger club, or are playing the rumours to get a better wage packet. Only at the end of the window will they then look down their realistic options and decide if the move is what they want.

So, players not in Nuno's plans will stay, not play, and take their money (a la Rose), or they will go out near the end of the window. We will also have players who determine that Spurs is a great option at the end (a la VanDerVaart).

Just how it is. Buckle up. After Kane domino falls (one way or the other) and the Wolves match is in the rearview mirror, it's going to be busy at THFC.

Sarr and Nandez are both very interesting possibilities. Huge potential young kid on the one hand and unrelenting versatile engine on the other who I think would fit in well with a Nuno team.

is this itk? if it is, is it verified by the mods?

i really am not trying to be rude, just trying to get an understanding to this

 

[MightyModric]

is this itk? if it is, is it verified by the mods?

i really am not trying to be rude, just trying to get an understanding to this

Doesn't read like it, just the fella's opinion on everything going on

 

[synththfc]

Doesn't read like it, just the fella's opinion on everything going on

fair enough!

 

[ernest_lowrider]

We went from 4-5 in to 2-3, we will finish with 2 minor improvements in plus some random loan

good old Tottenham Hotspur

 

[Rob]

is this itk? if it is, is it verified by the mods?

i really am not trying to be rude, just trying to get an understanding to this

Not at all. Some people just write in a style that suggests they’re ITK. As far as I’m aware, this is all just opinion.

 

[LamelasLeftBoot]

Pape Sarr thread is the place to be for at least another 15 minutes before we find out he’s either only interested in a club that wears blue or signs a contract extension until 2030. Get it while the gettin’s good.

Good job our shorts are blue then ?

 

[doctor stefan Freud]

Woah! That's way too much information there mate but when she gots to go she gots to go!!

Said Dr Know, Dr Know

 

[doctor stefan Freud]

Not at all. Some people just write in a style that suggests they’re ITK. As far as I’m aware, this is all just opinion.

It’s very self assured. Some might even say alluringly masculine

 

[Tucker]

WIll you stop relaying ITK things then?

Wasn’t planning on stopping no.