Following Spurs (Football) & Your Mental Health

[EmperorKabir]

2. Are you a real Emperor?

Yes.

 

[EmperorKabir]

I have to say that this is one of the best posts I have ever seen on SC. Very very well put and I wish I could ”winner” this a hundred times.

Thanks for a great post.

I have to say there have been absolutely fantastic replies on this thread and I'm sure they'll go a long way to helping a few of us out. I'm glad now that I submitted it.

I suppose a question sort of arises, if we love the game, we should logically not support a club but just enjoy the sport as neutrals; it's the safest stance from a mental health perspective. However, we lose an angle to attach ourselves to the sport and would probably feel more distant from it if we did. Also for those using it as an outlet for emotion, that kinda goes too. I suppose then when weighing it up, as with everything in life, it's about balance. Enjoy the attachment to spurs as a point of interest and 'a bit of fun' but remember to enjoy the sport and game itself. On top of that, don't make it too big a part of your life in making it your religion/identity.

I've oversimplified but this is a reflection on some of the replies I'm seeing here and is easier said than done. Admittedly, I kinda already feel this way and I think I'm in a healthy spot. Just wish the CL final didn't bother me as much as it does. It feels like a bad and lifelong investment gone wrong.

 

[TheTanguy]

More or less stopped caring about the league a couple of weeks ago. Mildly excited about Europa League and looking forward to the last-16 draw on Friday. Don't expect us to beat Man. City in the final, but stangers things have happened in a final.

With this attitude it doesn't really do much for my mental health in a negative way. I can imagine that it's all very depressing though iIf you STILL expect good performances and big things this season.

For instance The 0-2 loss at home to Leicester in December really bothered me for a couple of days and I certainly didn't like the loss at Goodison for the FA Cup either, but these days it's more like whatever for me until the end of the season.

 

[Teemu]

Great thread and some great replies in here.

I really like football as a sport to play, I like watching games as a social activity with friends and I love supporting Spurs and being invested in our games.

I’m completely disinterested in the media circus that comes with the sport, the politics, VAR, transfer rumours, clickbait headlines, unoriginal “banter” from other fans or (generally speaking), the players/managers as individuals.

Football, purely from a sporting perspective, is fantastic to watch when you are invested in a particular team, and you experience highs and lows watching a game that you don’t always get in other sports. However, as an wider institution I much prefer cricket and tennis, which both feel far less superficial to me.

As a result, I get emotionally invested during a Spurs game, but win or lose it doesn’t massively affect my mood once the final whistle goes.

Someone raised an interesting point earlier in the thread about football ultimately being inconsequential, and it has occurred to me that if Spurs ever do actually win a big trophy I might find it to be a huge anti-climax. Say we’d won the Champions League - none of my close friends support Spurs, so once the immediate euphoria had passed and I’d sent a few excited texts to my dad, I’d have walked back out into the real world where nothing had changed, and no one else would really have cared. Bit depressing really.

 

[EmperorKabir]

if Spurs ever do actually win a big trophy I might find it to be a huge anti-climax. Say we’d won the Champions League - none of my close friends support Spurs, so once the immediate euphoria had passed and I’d sent a few excited texts to my dad, I’d have walked back out into the real world where nothing had changed, and no one else would really have cared. Bit depressing really.

Interesting point. Do you feel this is because of the tribalism of following a club and as such, you'd not feel like there was much of a tribe around you to celebrate with? Or maybe because it's not a consequential or personal achievement? I'm guessing the answer is a mix of those but in any case, why do you personally like to follow spurs? Are the temporary highs and lows a fun and different thing to engage in for a laugh when the games are on?

 

[Teemu]

Interesting point. Do you feel this is because of the tribalism of following a club and as such, you'd not feel like there was much of a tribe around you to celebrate with? Or maybe because it's not a consequential or personal achievement? I'm guessing the answer is a mix of those but in any case, why do you personally like to follow spurs? Are the temporary highs and lows a fun and different thing to engage in for a laugh when the games are on?

Good question, and you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. I started following Spurs as a kid as most of my family do, and watching sport is more fun when you're invested in the result. As I said previously, I also really enjoy the social aspect of football - being able to go to the pub to watch games with friends and talk about it afterwards.

At the same time, we all spend so much time and emotion willing our team to reach the Holy Grail of a trophy, but if/when we finally do, I can't imagine that it will change my life in any tangible way. I'd walk into work the next day and no one would treat me any differently; it would just be business as normal. Don't get me wrong, I'd be absolutely buzzing during and straight after the game, and my enjoyment of watching Spurs generally is greater when we're winning, but I'm not convinced that initial euphoria would last any more than a day or two. Football is a bit of a relentless machine - all of a sudden our victory would be history, and it would be on to the next season or tournament.

Hopefully I get to find out soon whether I'm right

 

[Kingellesar]

I used to let our results control my mood, to a degree I still do but I can take the defeats now, like West Ham at the weekend, usually early kick off on a Sunday ruins the rest of my day. Nope, had a good day, just forgot about our game and I even watched some more football that day, I've resigned myself to us just being a bang average football team these days.

Don't get me wrong, when the game kicks off, I'm invested 100% but as soon as the whistle blows now, I know to leave the emotions there, lifes too short to let football get to you and control other aspects of your life.

I think the Champions League final took a lot out of us all, emotionally. It sure took it out of Poch and some of the players. I don't think we have recovered from that and with this crop of players, I am not sure we will? I think if we went onto win the Europa League that would be some relief and joy for everyone but realistically with the way we are playing football, we don't stand a chance of that happening.

 

[C0YS]

Great thread and some great replies in here.

I really like football as a sport to play, I like watching games as a social activity with friends and I love supporting Spurs and being invested in our games.

I’m completely disinterested in the media circus that comes with the sport, the politics, VAR, transfer rumours, clickbait headlines, unoriginal “banter” from other fans or (generally speaking), the players/managers as individuals.

Football, purely from a sporting perspective, is fantastic to watch when you are invested in a particular team, and you experience highs and lows watching a game that you don’t always get in other sports. However, as an wider institution I much prefer cricket and tennis, which both feel far less superficial to me.

As a result, I get emotionally invested during a Spurs game, but win or lose it doesn’t massively affect my mood once the final whistle goes.

Someone raised an interesting point earlier in the thread about football ultimately being inconsequential, and it has occurred to me that if Spurs ever do actually win a big trophy I might find it to be a huge anti-climax. Say we’d won the Champions League - none of my close friends support Spurs, so once the immediate euphoria had passed and I’d sent a few excited texts to my dad, I’d have walked back out into the real world where nothing had changed, and no one else would really have cared. Bit depressing really.

I think this is really important if football negatively affects you. I care little for it too, listen to a podcast or two but the whole sky narrative, and annoying banter. I'm happy to talk football with anyone, but in a relaxed genuine manner, not to get one up over work colleagues.

The media narrative around football has been a bad thing for football as a whole and turns football into some sort of horrible soap opera, it's designed to package football and intentionally play with emotions for engagement, and has very little to do with the ritualised experience of football. I would say if you are struggling, just getting yourself away from that can improve your mood immeasurably.

 

[Teemu]

I think this is really important if football negatively affects you. I care little for it too, listen to a podcast or two but the whole sky narrative, and annoying banter. I'm happy to talk football with anyone, but in a relaxed genuine manner, not to get one up over work colleagues.

The media narrative around football has been a bad thing for football as a whole and turns football into some sort of horrible soap opera, it's designed to package football and intentionally play with emotions for engagement, and has very little to do with the ritualised experience of football. I would say if you are struggling, just getting yourself away from that can improve your mood immeasurably.

Completely agree. I enjoy the highs and lows of football during a game, but it goes beyond pure sporting enjoyment once people start getting their emotions manipulated by, say, Jamie Redknapp or a provocative article online.

 

[sim simma]

Growing up with football in the 80's it was engrossing and consuming. I'd play it at school & when I got home. I was taught to read by my dad using match reports, I'd sit with him doing the pools on a Saturday with the vidi printer. I always knew Tottenham was my tribe & I took great pride from being local I also knew that once you're in a tribe you never ever leave it. Gazza changed my life in the 90's he was a god to me & the FA Cup was a dream. The magical seed of football is sewn as a child & how big it grows is dependent on many things of the child's nature. When you're all grown up that little boy is still inside. The seed that grew into a tree still fills your soul. Football is great when you're winning. When things are shit football wise in your 20's and 30's I don't think we have the life skills to deal with it. I got to a point as a 40 year old where so many things are more important than Spurs that I can't allow our results to overshadow them. But I will always pick an apple from that spurs tree in my soul & swing from it's branches, because if that tree was ever uprooted & taken away the emptiness would be far far worse than a bad patch in our clubs magical history.

 

[EmperorKabir]

I have to admit I'm not too bothered about the result from a 'how much is this bothering me standpoint'. I know, but more importantly, feel, that we are better than Bumenal and have a brighter future than them in the longer term. We are still somehow in with a shout of top 4 in the league. Crazy results flying about at the moment. We're in with a shot at the trophies as well.

Bragging rights for me personally don't bother me too much as Bumenal know they are a laughing stock and we've had a 'we've got bigger fish to fry' ethos for a few years now despite not winning the actual trophies and for me, that matters more than the unfortunate lack of trophies in a cash injected system which our club is proudly not part of through sinister means. As explained in other posts, I don't even really dislike them as much as teams like Chelsea and worst of all Liverpool etc so derby day actually feels like more of a fun rivalry than a darker one against aforementioned detestable clubs which really get my back up more than I really ought to allow it to.

For today at least, I feel fine and kinda just lament our manager (which I realise is just my personal opinion and it is not fact that he is definitely a bad manager in various respects). The performance was woeful which bother me more than the result but we might yet win a few things with him and overall as I say, long term, we look fine (bar Covid really screwing us) and I have a strong faith in the manager not staying with us for too much longer, rightly or wrongly. So... I feel OK.....

Though if this was after a Liverpool match, I'd be fuming if I'm being honest.

Hope you lot are coping well after yesterday. I know it's easy to say it's just a game but I know very well how it can affect some of us more than others and there's no shame in admitting it.

 

[Nodutus]

I have to admit I'm not too bothered about the result from a 'how much is this bothering me standpoint'. I know, but more importantly, feel, that we are better than Bumenal and have a brighter future than them in the longer term. We are still somehow in with a shout of top 4 in the league. Crazy results flying about at the moment. We're in with a shot at the trophies as well.

Bragging rights for me personally don't bother me too much as Bumenal know they are a laughing stock and we've had a 'we've got bigger fish to fry' ethos for a few years now despite not winning the actual trophies and for me, that matters more than the unfortunate lack of trophies in a cash injected system which our club is proudly not part of through sinister means. As explained in other posts, I don't even really dislike them as much as teams like Chelsea and worst of all Liverpool etc so derby day actually feels like more of a fun rivalry than a darker one against aforementioned detestable clubs which really get my back up more than I really ought to allow it to.

For today at least, I feel fine and kinda just lament our manager (which I realise is just my personal opinion and it is not fact that he is definitely a bad manager in various respects). The performance was woeful which bother me more than the result but we might yet win a few things with him and overall as I say, long term, we look fine (bar Covid really screwing us) and I have a strong faith in the manager not staying with us for too much longer, rightly or wrongly. So... I feel OK.....

Though if this was after a Liverpool match, I'd be fuming if I'm being honest.

Hope you lot are coping well after yesterday. I know it's easy to say it's just a game but I know very well how it can affect some of us more than others and there's no shame in admitting it.

I have been feeling quite low today because of yesterday – much more than from any other game in the past year. I’m still fuming from the lack of passion, desire, commitment etc shown by the players against our main rival. Whether it’s because of tactics or something else I’ll leave for another discussion at another day but I’m just so, so disappointed. I feel really let down.

Having spent a large amount of today thinking about this I’m wondering if it’s some kind of pshycology behind all this disappointment – is it an emotional reaction as a result of my detachement towards football and Spurs? Is it maybe guilt that I’m feeling? I think I might have seen too much of myself in the players yesterday and that really triggered me.

 

[Kiedis]

There has definitely been times where I've realised that my mood has been affected far too much by how Spurs are doing, and it's definitely been more of a thing in the last 15ish years where we've been pretty decent. Supporting the club during me child and adolescent years in the mid nineties up to the mid noughties when we were mediocre at best of times, and you'd live for weeks on end just on the back of grabbing an away point were actually far more relaxing.

These days, I still follow the club very closely, but it's almost like I'm following it like a TV show. "Oh, we beat City, that's bloody nice." is followed by "oh, we played like a shitty version of Burnley away to Arsenal, that sucks, wonder what these nutters will think of next". Can't allow a trivial thing like football to affect me too much, which it definitely has in the past.

 

[wizgell]

Definitely touched on something here. I suffer with depression and football used to be a release for me, go to the game, sing and shout et etc.

Since we moved to the New Stadium, I stopped going for two reasons- finances but also it just didn't feel the same.

Now, I find that the way football is going generally and what I perceive to be our club being drained of all life by this new regime, I find that I have switched off from football a lot! If I miss a game now it's no big deal, if I do watch it's on the laptop whilst I watch something else on the TV and largely I only glance at the game.

However, ever since a kid I have been obsessed with football. I loved it and enjoyed everything about it.These days I find that I find the current state of football a real source of frustration and anger, I'm sat watching the game die and I can't do anything about it. because it doesn't give me what it used to and that impacts my MH a bit.

 

[parj]

This is a great topic. For me, Spurs used to stress me out the most under Poch and that was because I felt we were so close to being consistent title challengers. You could see the passion from Poch and the team, and it genuinely made me connect with that team because it's the first time I had seen that from a spurs manager since Venables. Under every other manager I could happily go play football, go out and just pick up the highlights because my expectations were never high.

Lockdown and Spurs combined has been brutal. Nowhere to escape to after a bad performance. This really made me anti-Mourinho. I was never this bad under AVB, but it was wanting to enjoy football that made me want to see the real Spurs and to see our manager and players fighting for wins and playing football.

 

[ShayLaB]

Disappointment became disillusionment on Sunday.

I won't be watching tomorrow night either. I just don't need the mood that it puts me in.

I would have cancelled my Now TV contract already if it wasn't for kids wanting the F1.

 

[CoopsieDeadpool]

Disappointment became disillusionment on Sunday.

I won't be watching tomorrow night either. I just don't need the mood that it puts me in.

I would have cancelled my Now TV contract already if it wasn't for kids wanting the F1.

Disillusionment hit me a couple of months ago.

It's no secret that I've had a fair amount of shit to deal with over the last 17 months, it's far from easy & depression has become my closest friend.

But Tottenham is literally the only thing I now have to get enjoyment from, and it's falling way short of enjoyable. It's so difficult because, as hard as I try to not let results/performances affect me, they just do.

There's an emotional investment in this club from every single one of us, so it's understandable that it affects our mood when things like last weekend, or the Chelsea/Leicester games occur. However, that affect is infinitely magnified if/when a person is already dealing with mental health issues, and the preceeding mood can eat away at you very easily.

So threads such as this one can end up being a very welcome place for people with such issues, as it shows them that 1, they're not alone in their feelings. And 2, there's some truly wonderful people on this site who are not only there to support you, but are happy to do so.

So fair play to @EmperorKabir for starting this thread, and those who are not only brave enough to post/share their feelings. But also those who are happy to selflessly offer an ear to bend, or a shoulder to lean on. ??

 

[DiscoD1882]

The run to the champions league final was such a roller coaster. From almost being out at the group stage with one point. To clinching it with a draw in Barcelona. My first champions league away game. To the penalty save against Man City in the first leg. And the Llorente “handball” and the 95th minute VAR goal disallowed in the second leg. Then the semi final. I still find myself going back to that moment and getting that rush of emotion when Moura scored. And then the final. I don’t even remember the game. And I haven’t watched it since. I just feel immense pain about it. I believed we would win it. I thought it was ours after the run we had to get there. And after 1 minute. We new the dream had died. It was the biggest football sucker punch I had ever felt. We’ve had some shit to deal with in our time. But that broke me. I couldn’t even watch football for a while. My love for had died a little that night. But I can’t stay away from Spurs. They are my constant. I love watching us win. I’m obsessed with what is happening in and around th club. I want us to win a major trophy. I want us to do it the right way. I want to celebrate with my 14 year old son. And go down Tottenham high street watching the parade. It’s got to happen. Because if I get to my death bed. And I’ve never seen us win the league. My dying breath will be..... Bollocks to you spurs.

 

[CoopsieDeadpool]

The run to the champions league final was such a roller coaster. From almost being out at the group stage with one point. To clinching it with a draw in Barcelona. My first champions league away game. To the penalty save against Man City in the first leg. And the Llorente “handball” and the 95th minute VAR goal disallowed in the second leg. Then the semi final. I still find myself going back to that moment and getting that rush of emotion when Moura scored. And then the final. I don’t even remember the game. And I haven’t watched it since. I just feel immense pain about it. I believed we would win it. I thought it was ours after the run we had to get there. And after 1 minute. We new the dream had died. It was the biggest football sucker punch I had ever felt. We’ve had some shit to deal with in our time. But that broke me. I couldn’t even watch football for a while. My love for had died a little that night. But I can’t stay away from Spurs. They are my constant. I love watching us win. I’m obsessed with what is happening in and around th club. I want us to win a major trophy. I want us to do it the right way. I want to celebrate with my 14 year old son. And go down Tottenham high street watching the parade. It’s got to happen. Because if I get to my death bed. And I’ve never seen us win the league. My dying breath will be..... Bollocks to you spurs.

Gotta admit I had the same feeling as you, re believing it was practically written in the stars for us to win that CL. As you said, we were pretty much out of it so many times. What was it, 3 games or so in the group phase & we were written off, no chance of going beyond the group, especially with the last game being away to the mighty Barcelona. Yet, somehow we bloody well did it.

Then there was the City match. We were supposedly done for as soon as the star revealed them as our opponents. And that's exactly how it looked, only for VAR to come to our aid to disallow (Sterling's?) goal. Bloody hell. On we went!

Then Ajax, well, losing the first leg at home. Can still clearly remember tuning in for the second leg, hearing Bob Marleys "Three Little Birds" blasting out in the stadium.

2 first half goals for Ajax leaving is without a chance in hell of beating them. 3-0, game over, right?

Hell no!

Cheeky little Lucas went and scored within 10 minutes of the restart. But still, no chance. Right?

Shit, 4 minutes later, the cheeky little bastard goes and gets us a second.

Still, half an hour left, surely it's too tall of an order to get that 3rd goal? 90 minutes comes & that's it, we're done for, right?

Clock ticking, into time added on, the ref is surely going to blow for full time.

Oh well, you know what? Maybe the stars weren't aligning for us after-all. We went there and gave it our best shot. At least we went down fighting.

And then, 90+6. Ref with whistle poised in his mouth BUT up pops little Lucas to somehow find the bottom corner. Cue absolute scenes. The players, the supporters, the guys in the studio. All going absolutely mental. Ferdinand screaming his head off, only pausing to check that Hoddle is OK & not having another heart attack. Jenas fighting back the tears. Unbelievable!

No way fate wasn't on our side now, surely? We had been out of that competition about 4 times, yet, somehow we're in the bloody final. Our name must be on the cup after such a run!

Then, as you said. After just 1 minute, we knew. The stars weren't aligned in our favour, the dream was over. Absolutely gutting in every way.

But, do you know what mate? Even just typing all of this out has made me realise that we were actually very lucky to be part of such an unbelievable journey. As heartbreaking as that final was, the route to it will remain with us until our last breath.

As much as we hope to become a European success once again in the future, there's also the chance that it may not come in our lifetime. So let's just ignore the sadness of the shitty final and, instead, embrace the truly remarkable journey that got us there.

Why? Well, because our club rose up & we actually dared to dream. And how often can we honestly say we've experienced that in recent history?

It's a fucking huge COYS from me!

 

[Bails]

I have to say there have been absolutely fantastic replies on this thread and I'm sure they'll go a long way to helping a few of us out. I'm glad now that I submitted it.

I suppose a question sort of arises, if we love the game, we should logically not support a club but just enjoy the sport as neutrals; it's the safest stance from a mental health perspective. However, we lose an angle to attach ourselves to the sport and would probably feel more distant from it if we did. Also for those using it as an outlet for emotion, that kinda goes too. I suppose then when weighing it up, as with everything in life, it's about balance. Enjoy the attachment to spurs as a point of interest and 'a bit of fun' but remember to enjoy the sport and game itself. On top of that, don't make it too big a part of your life in making it your religion/identity.

I've oversimplified but this is a reflection on some of the replies I'm seeing here and is easier said than done. Admittedly, I kinda already feel this way and I think I'm in a healthy spot. Just wish the CL final didn't bother me as much as it does. It feels like a bad and lifelong investment gone wrong.

I explored this idea by following NFL and NHL- to large extent I follow the sport not a team (but have some plastic affiliations) - I really enjoyed learning the sports, rules, tactics and people/stories. But, like a gambler for fun rather than money. It means more when its spurs so the highs are unparalleled to the CL semi-final night. There really aren't lows on the US sports for me, I enjoy the ride much more. Far safer than CL final night.

But my life-long attraction to Spurs (and leading up to being a season ticket holder until moved to NY 2019) was the story, the 'clean win' as you put it, the fairytale it would come right, the family history of Dad taking me as a kid etc....I can't live without Spurs, but trying other sports helped more of a context to an extent...

Can't wait for that next trophy