Following Spurs (Football) & Your Mental Health

[EmperorKabir]

Hi all,

this was something I've been thinking about for a few years. I've broken this down into a few sections as it's obviously a nuanced and complex topic. Having reread my post before submitting, it doesn't at all cover everything I feel, but touches on some of the main points with varying scrutiny.

Me: I'm 34 years old. Dad started taking me to Spurs in 98 and we became season ticket holders in 99. I was 12. I wasn't really interested in football for a couple of seasons then got really into the tactics aged around 15. Cut to the present and I've had a home and away season ticket and have seen Spurs win, (not just play, win) in every premier league stadium bar Bumenal and Klanfield and most of the championship clubs as well as they yo yo up to the prem. I've seen us play in the best part of 100 stadiums. I'm very privileged and lucky. I still have my season ticket now. I even worked for my local Barnet football club after uni for most of a year. At one point I was working for a football club, playing football with friends and watching football as a hobby. It didn't take over my life, but it has been a big part of it at certain points.

Having said that though, I've always been a quiet fan. Frankly, I don't sing, I just about stand up (happy) when we score but without really making much sound and only really relax at the final whistle if the game is close, (otherwise I'm just relaxed anyway). I've always taken pride in the fact that my club is one of the few that hasn't run into massive debt or taken on slave/oil/mafia money and tried to win (relatively) clean. This last point is my opinion and my view and not fact which is relevant for the rest of the post.

'The fan': I've got kinda a natural interest in psychology/sociology. I'm not saying I'm well versed in it but I have often contemplated that the reason team sports between 2 sides are so popular is because they mimic tribalism and war which is perhaps ingrained in the DNA of man as part of an evolutionary survival of the fittest trait. It's the best of both worlds, nobody actually dies in the name of something sensitive such as politics, religion or even power or greed, and we still employ the same passion, animosity even and bragging rights. On the surface, cheering for your club, crying tears of joy with happiness or sadness because of results etc makes no sense and in fact could appear alarming psychologically in the eyes of a loved one who isn't interested in football. But look deeper and I feel there is a reason behind everything, namely the above points I mentioned. Spurs have been a big, big part of my life from a developmental age. The emotions I have sometimes felt can be quite powerful (the most extreme of which I will come on to), even if I don't necessarily think about Spurs for days at a time.

Where I am now: If I'm being completely honest, I have mixed and contradictory feelings about my relationship with football as a fan. I probably think about Spurs once or twice a day for a couple of minutes, I enjoy listening to the Fighting Cock and Extra Inch podcasts as and when they release and briefly checking this forum a few times a week, not daily anymore. If we have a big final coming up, rare as they are, I think about it daily for a bit longer. In the Summer, I can switch off for weeks and maybe listen to my friends talking about transfers, perhaps check SC ITK. I hold down a promising job, outside of Covid, I enjoy a Brazillian dance style with my girlfriend which I commit far more time to than any other hobby, see my friends, go on holiday etc etc. My work life balance is fairly average and I think life has really improved for me in recent years. I do have a history of mild depression and generalised anxiety disorder, but they haven't really bothered me in recent years, especially as my life has improved a lot. What I'm really saying is, I feel that I'm aware that football can be tribalist in nature and can really consume the lives of people, but that I don't get too sucked into it..... but on the other hand, I commit so much time to going to games, (away games write off a day, cost a lot. European games are a full on trip, annual leave, money etc) and allocating a sizeable amount of my personal time to it, that I feel that I'm partly sucked into it being an important part of my life purely because of how much time I spend on it. In short, football is an unimportant thing that has become very important to me, purely because of the time I spend on it being significant, with the caveat that I still think my time commitment is not unhealthy.

What inspired this post: 2 things really and they kinda link to each other. First is the champions league final, which I went to, second is the state of the club. The semi final was incredible to watch and our biggest ever game. Seeing our name as finalists felt very unspurslike and unbelievable. Crucially, I did not allow myself to believe we would win but I felt immensely happy that Levy's 'win it clean' project somehow had gotten this close to bearing fruit in the biggest way possible. The CL for me is the most important trophy fully stop; I personally do not buy into the Wenger attitude of winning your domestic league first, as if telling a child to finish their veg before they can have dessert. That's just my personal opinion. Let me break down what winning the CL would have done for me:
-I'd have witnessed project 'win clean' bear fruit against a sporting world of financial doping from seriously ill gotten means. A shining light in a weary, broken world.
-I'd have witnessed us defeat my personally most hated club, Liverpool in the biggest possible club match.
-I'd also have been proud and happy that not only did project 'win clean' bear fruit, but it was my club that did it after all the years of building.
-I've never actually seen us win a trophy in person. To win it at the Calderon near the pitch would have been amazing.
It should be recognised however, that most club fans probably feel as we do, that we've been unfortunate and been building for years etc. I'll briefly mention that the reason I loathe Liverpool is their luck over the years, which in my opinion far outshines anyone else's when weighted by whether it occurred in important matches or not which has then gone on to help them build due to their undeserved past successes, their attitude, their sense of entitlement, the immense respect they had even in the pre Klopp era, their fan ethos.
This then collapsed and I think broke the Poch. It also broke some of our players. Jose has been a refresher but in my opinion, has been yesterday's man since his second stint at Chelsea. We are now playing dirty and 'win clean' is nearly gone. Almost once every month or 2, I go back and watch BT sport videos on youtube of our second leg semi final and honestly, I almost cry every time. The pain of what I was so close to witnessing hasn't really waned (much) and that slightly concerns me. I think the fact that it was specifically against Liverpool was too much for me and I couldn't allow myself to believe it could be done with a pitiful 'good things don't happen to me or the world' selfish attitude. Evil always wins etc. The entire weekend trip was just horrible, beginning the end. I have never seen so many spurs fans cry and a lot of it is a hazy memory, even though I don't drink. I've had some fun Spurs memories of course, the league cup semi against Bumenal and random last minute goals when going to away games. But I also question whether the reason some of those feel so good is because they feel like a reprieve rather than great in their own right. If so, is that healthy? Sports is something where it's easy to keep wanting more. If you win 1 trophy, you want the rest. If you win all trophies, you want clean sheets, goals, records broken. Are we unhappy unless we retain the septuple conceded 0 and scoring a million? What next? Score a million and one? I do certainly enjoy watching great football, watching Bale in his first stint felt like money well spent, regardless of the result. Similarly for Berbatov and even Ledders and Jan. Great players can make us forget about the results business and actually make us stop and enjoy what we are seeing. I really like when that happens.

I'm not saying this post is a cry for help; but it does bother me how much something like sports can hurt me and even make me feel good on the basis of commiting so much time to it such that it becomes important on the basis of time spent alone. 'Oh what could have been'. I wonder if this is something similar to gambling problems or generally addictive personalities. I honestly right now feel a bit stuck. Jose football is, to me personally, not what I want and I want a new Poch style project with somebody fresh like Nagelsmann - wishful thinking at the moment. On a personal level though, following a football club is somewhat tiring, quite interesting, 98% of the time, healthy and fun to engage in. But those last 2% can really do an absolute number on you.

So to all of you who actually read this far (thank you for doing so); how do you feel about your relationship with football, beyond just saying 'following Spurs is a rollercoaster'. For sure, it is, but I really invite you to dig deeper.

 

[ZiggySpurs]

Thanks for the insight and well written post, @EmperorKabir. I'll just chime in and say that unfortunately for me since the pandemic I've found that football results and general attitudes towards Spurs influence my mental health more than I'd like to admit. Before the pandemic, a shit run of games was easy enough to handle because I could go out for a drink, catch live music and socialise with friends to get my mind off things but I find myself waking up and thinking about football more and more lately. It doesn't help that social media platforms (esp Instagram and YouTube) tailor all of my recommendations to piss-poor football memes that are designed to get reactions out of people. I'm looking at you, OddsBible.

It's good to get a break and to tune out from time to time. I like that SC isn't just about the football, there are a bunch of threads on movies, music, food and more to develop a sense of online community which can really come handy in these isolating times.

 

[EmperorKabir]

It's good to get a break and to tune out from time to time. I like that SC isn't just about the football, there are a bunch of threads on movies, music, food and more to develop a sense of online community which can really come handy in these isolating times.

True. I think what is unique about it is that it's really easy to take a break from for me, but there are certain times, certain occasions, certain elements that we remember or look back on or get hung up on that can really bug us once in a blue moon. Other times, we are happy living our own lives but get drawn back in by something as simple as a busy fixture list.

 

[austinfh]

I do sometimes loathe the fact that Spurs will have a quite significant impact on my mood depending on if they win or lose for basically the rest of my life. I've tried to become less engrossed in the matches recently which is in part because I'm not a huge fan of the football and also just because watching the games is so draining sometimes. I also think a lot about the CL final and how winning that would probably have allowed me to step back from Spurs a little and accept the harder times we're going through atm.

 

[Norgie]

Interesting post, I used to let losing affect my mood a lot, however I have stepped back from that now. I am managing to control my disappointment over the last 6 months, however before that it used to control my moods (dam you spurs). If yesterdays result had happened 12 months ago I would have been in a foul mood for the rest of the weekend but I didn't let it get to me. There are bigger things to worry about at the moment and it is just a sport after all.

 

[spurs mental]

Similar to the post above from @Norgie, I previously would have let Spurs rule my mood.

But with 3 kids in the house now there's no time to be in bad form. Its an hour and a half I get to escape and my wife is good enough to give me that space as its really the only time I get to myself right now with the current situation. Previously I'd be able to get out to the golf course for some "me" time as well.

I do sometimes find myself questioning whether I want my kids to get into following football when they're old enough. I love it. I'd be lost without it. I'm not sure I can put them through the pain of supporting Spurs like my dad has done for me. But I'd be sad if they decided to support someone else.

I still do sometimes get wound up during the game but now as soon as the final whistle goes its more or less done for me. I try to avoid coming on here during and after games as it doesn't really help especially if we are losing, I like to TRY and let the dust settle first. It is difficult though.

The good thing about this place is the variety of threads to be able to go off and talk about things other than Spurs too. This place even helped my relationship with my now wife get back on track when we hit a really rocky patch a few years ago.

Think this thread should be made a sticky at the top. It's one subject I've thought about for a while.


There's really no benefit to anyone's mental health in getting upset or so irritated by football/Spurs/Levy/Jose that you get angry and wound up. As others have said, there are far bigger things in life, right now and in the future too.

 

[EmperorKabir]

also think a lot about the CL final and how winning that would probably have allowed me to step back from Spurs a little and accept the harder times we're going through atm.

So true. We are but mere mortals. Spurs were around from well before us and are likely to be around beyond us as well. We can only reflect on and be part of what's happening in our lifetimes. Winning that final would have, for reasons I mentioned in my starting post, been an achievement enough for our lives in that regard. Fully agree with you.

 

[EmperorKabir]

I do sometimes find myself questioning whether I want my kids to get into following football when they're old enough. I love it. I'd be lost without it. I'm not sure I can put them through the pain of supporting Spurs like my dad has done for me. But I'd be sad if they decided to support someone else.

Great point, I don't have kids (yet, hopefully one day), but I imagine I'd be in a similar pickle. I'd honestly probably still introduce them to it but I think I'd really go out of my way to try to introduce the concepts of tribalism, obsession, time consumption etc as soon as they're old enough to understand. It's great if they are jumping for joy on the surface because of something to do with sports, but if that may be masking the fundamentally unhealthy tenet of having your happiness contingent on what is essentially an external gamble, that's not where I would want to see my little ones.

Think this thread should be made a sticky at the top. It's one subject I've thought about for a while.

Kind words! But I know what you mean; if it helps people who might be apprehensive or feeling ashamed (or any other unwelcome reason) that football is occupying their mind in ways that they are not happy with, that would be great.

 

[spurs mental]

if that may be masking the fundamentally unhealthy tenet of having your happiness contingent on what is essentially an external gamble, that's not where I would want to see my little ones.

Just to further this, with the way social media and football/sport is nowadays, it can really have a detrimental effect on a person, and I only see that accelerating over the next few years. People do take match results personally, and I include myself in that going back to maybe only a year ago.

You make a great point about not wanting to see the little ones happiness contingent on something they can't control. It's exactly what I will be explaining to them when they're old enough to understand.

 

[C0YS]

I mean football has the ability to make me quite upset for about half an hour but doesn't linger much longer. When I was much younger as a socially awkward kid, it was much more important to my mental well being, but even then, when things are bad it still gives you something to look forward too, and that holds true now too. Being currently not at work due to COVID has made it particularly important, as football does provide you with some sort of routine or structure. I think though it is important to focus on something else as well, and if things like SC are feeding that then it's important to take a break. I'm rarely on here on match days for example for that reason. I find mixing my escapism with a bit of drawing and playing chess badly to be really helpful as well, and not centre too much on football.


On a side note, I think when it comes to the CL, with the years people will begin to appreciate the journey more, and I think there is something to be said about what Bill Nicholson said:

“It is better to fail aiming high than to succeed aiming low. And we of Spurs have set our sights very high, so high in fact that even failure will have in it an echo of glory.”

And I think we'll hear that echo for many years to come.

 

[Nodutus]

For me football and sports in general, Spurs in particular has always been about the togetherness and the feeling of belonging to something. The you’re-not-alone feeling. Very, very interesting thread and I really recognize a lot of things as I have been having problems with anxiety my entire life.

Regarding the CL final my football interest have definitely not been the same ever since. I think it largely killed my emotions with the thought that this once in a lifetime opportunity might not come again during my time on earth. Who knows. VAR and the modern football does not help either.

I will always be Spurs through and through and probably watch the majority of our games but just not with the same emotions anymore. As every day get by I realize more and more that there is a lot of other things in life than football and that’s a good thing. It really is.

 

[keonb]

Very interest post and something which I have been thinking about for years.

I've been a massive fan for about 17 years now, watching almost every game possible (mainly on TV, used to have a season ticket in 06/07 when I was 17 but couldn't afford to keep it going) and have always had that feel, especially when Arnesen came in and we signed about 15 players, that the tide was turning for us. Truthfully speaking, we have been a much 'better' team from then, consistent top 6 finishes for a while, and then more recently, top 4 finishes and then the CL final. That 09/10 season when we finished in CL spots, and the 10/11 season were such fun times for me, disappeared after Harry went and then came back with Poch. Only one period of the time following Spurs have I not watched us purposely, and that was during Sherwood's time... Disliked him and disliked the majority of the players, I felt disconnected.

As it stands, right now, I'm unhappy with the club and how we are playing and feel very similar to the Sherwood time, albeit more to do with not hitting our potential than a dislike towards the players. I feel we are boring to watch, frustrating how we sit back and how he keeps selecting players who are not earning their right to play (Lloris, Sanchez, Dier... Sorry, had to dig out some players).

Because of our downfall, I can't watch many Prem games without watching rivals and hoping they drop points and it's almost like watching one of our games, and that what I think has made me stop liking football currently. Tied in with the fact that during COVID, there's non stop football so you don't get a break, and not much else to do to fill time so you just watch. Admittedly, 80% of football I put on is on in the background and I'm not 100% focussed but still.

I went through a period of time where actually, I could watch rivals and not get annoyed if they won, football was more enjoyable then for whatever reason. Of course, ribbing Arse/Chelsea/Wham fans was great but I didn't get too upset if they won, but now, watching Wham beat Sheff Utd the other night for example, it annoyed me even though they were expected to win and it wasn't a surprise. Basically to cut a long story short, football isn't enjoyable... Also VAR stopping me celebrate any goal and no fans has played a part.

Part of me feels I need to stop my emotional attachment to Spurs to somehow enjoy watching any game of football instead of thinking 'hopefully team X drops points!'... But it is hard, too emotionally attached. Last few years especially, if we lost, it ruined my mood for hours, I wouldn't talk, I would wake up the next morning upset, but I would get over it after that but it wasn't healthy and this is why I feel the way I do currently. Even now, we lost yesterday and I didn't watch the second half, I didn't want to watch any Prem football for the rest of the day... Actually found relief in watching non Prem football which is my advice to others who want to watch football but feel no emotional attachment.

It is interesting but also, I do feel fickle because I was loving life when we were top of the league... And the drop off has been hard to take and usual 'Spursy' stuff coming out, but then, everyone hates when they love something they cannot control (us dropping deep against Wolves as soon as we scored in the 1st min springs to mind!!!). I think that's what makes it so hard also, we can't do anything to make an 'effect', if we were going to games, we would feel we could support the club but right now, it's just tame without fans as far as I'm concerned

 

[EmperorKabir]

On a side note, I think when it comes to the CL, with the years people will begin to appreciate the journey more, and I think there is something to be said about what Bill Nicholson said:

“It is better to fail aiming high than to succeed aiming low. And we of Spurs have set our sights very high, so high in fact that even failure will have in it an echo of glory.”

And I think we'll hear that echo for many years to come.

In my mind and in the mind of most spurs fans, yes. I suppose I feel an extra bit of pain that it isn't really recognised by other fans. If it is, they keep it quiet. As for the media, they pay literally no attention to the way things are done and focus only on results. The trophy monkey is something invented by the media as a symbol of total and utter failure by Spurs, when the reality is, competing against the big money clubs out there in the way in which we have is, in my mind, so much more than any season long trophy campaign. Keeping on topic of mental health, my recognition of that alone seems to give me long term anguish that I wish didn't bother me as much. Falls under the umbrella of the CL final pain.

 

[Serpico]

Apologise now as I’m not able to articulate as the rest of you.

I get this is about Spurs but how do people react to their international teams. I’m equally passionate about Italy as I am with Spurs. Seeing Italy lose depresses me equally as much as Tottenham. The only way I feel the pain would be less, is to stop watching which Ill never do, as football is my one passion (family aside) .

 

[Metalhead]

First of all, thanks to the Emperor for a new thread!

I used to get very wound up after we lost but I can't bring myself to get all that angry or despondent anymore. I think that it's partly because overall we are much better nowadays than we were back in the 90s so it provides a bit of perspective but it also might be to do with getting older. I do feel more patient than I used to be so whilst the current situation isn't ideal for example, I can feel more comfortable with waiting to see what pans out over the next few months than being desperate to see an immediate change.

 

[EmperorKabir]

Apologise now as I’m not able to articulate as the rest of you.

I get this is about Spurs but how do people react to their international teams. I’m equally passionate about Italy as I am with Spurs. Seeing Italy lose depresses me equally as much as Tottenham. The only way I feel the pain would be less, is to stop watching which Ill never do, as football is my one passion (family aside) .

For me, analysing international football kinda falls under the category of the imitation of war, tribalism etc that I mentioned in my opening post. I think there are added facets though, some healthy minded people will be genuinely proud of their countries and where they grew up and the culture etc. Some will use it as flag for racism, and a few will be somewhere in between. So overall, it's the same as club football but just add on how each individual feels about their own countries, whether it's ethnicity or residence, and about good stuff like patriotism/celebration or sadly sometimes racism/division in general. I've obviously not covered every little thing here, just a few extremes.

 

[Metalhead]

For me, analysing international football kinda falls under the category of the imitation of war, tribalism etc that I mentioned in my opening post. I think there are added facets though, some healthy minded people will be genuinely proud of their countries and where they grew up and the culture etc. Some will use it as flag for racism, and a few will be somewhere in between. So overall, it's the same as club football but just add on how each individual feels about their own countries, whether it's ethnicity or residence, and about patriotism or sadly sometimes racism in general.

International football is an interesting one. My first tournament was Italia 90, which will always have a nostalgic air about it for me - it was absolutely magic and I was so excited when we got to the semi final and gutted when we lost. I felt pretty much the same excitement and national pride for every tournament that we were involved in back in the 90s and early 2000s but my excitement for international football has definitely faded since. I'm not sure if it's because my sense of patriotism has ebbed away or because we've so often entered a tournament in recent years and not lived up to the hype.

 

[Monkey boy]

I hate football and have tried many many times to distance myself from it but unfortunately i cant keep away. If i could go back to my child hood again i would choose any other sport to have got involved with as there just isnt that emotional attachment associated with it as it is with football. I hate the fact that a team of men from all around the world who get paid more in a month to sit on a bench half the time than i have tied up on my house mortgage have the ability to effect my mood so much. Its even worse when you realise that the result probably bothers me than it does them. I will forever hate that champions league final loss as that was my ticket out of here as no matter how long i have left on this mortal coil nothing will have ever topped beating the team i hate most in the biggest game in european football. I would have walked away there and then but then Sissoko happened and the rest as they say is history.

 

[ralphs bald spot]

if it aint hurting you aint doing it right -

 

[Nodutus]

I hate the fact that a team of men from all around the world who get paid more in a month to sit on a bench half the time than i have tied up on my house mortgage have the ability to effect my mood so much. Its even worse when you realise that the result probably bothers me than it does them.

I couldn’t agree more and it does my head in. I absolutely hate this part of the game and when I started following football as a kid this was obviously not the case as it’s today. Football is constantly changing for the worse in all aspects.