- Feb 1, 2005
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Mind you, I say fucks sake, what I really mean is woofuckinghoo. The lull has magically healed the thrush I was suffering with. Now if I could just find a way to get rid of the warts on my labia.
There's no ITK for me to round-up, what can I say?
So there I was, sitting in the garden by the pool, naked except for a copy of this months 'Dogging Monthly' covering my wotsits when the gardener walked by with Daniel Levy perched on top of the wheelbarrow he was pushing. Well, I thought it was Levy until a closer look revealed it was a doppleganager of a garden gnome, with a rampant 14 inch erection. I'd better explain. We have a gnome orgy thing going on by the water feature, it's very Roman, but the gnomes each have a celebrity lookalike head. I've got a guy makes them special for me. We've positioned Levy behind the Beyonce gnome and i'm not sure who to put behind him, it's a toss up between Her Madge the Queen wearing a strap on and Gok Wan. I might write to Danny boy and ask who he'd prefer to complete the sandwich.
The mother in-law phoned last week and said "come quick I think I'm dying"….….I replied "phone me back when you're fucking sure"….….….….She only goes and carks it a few hours later. So yesterday Mrs A&C said she is going to need my full support at her mothers funeral. Turns out she didn't mean me standing right at the front, waving my giant foam finger.
Oh yeah and yesterday I wore my new pink lycra mankini for the first time. Mrs A&C wasn't that impressed, she said I could have put something on over it to go shopping. Talking about Mrs A&C, she's baking today. Get in there. The woman is a wizard when it comes to baking, reckons that old bint off the telly is full of shit.
I think that's about covered everything and i've waffled on about fuck all for long enough. Now you know how it feels. I'm off…..The smell of baking is wafting into my office and I have cakes to look forward to.
Yay!