- Sep 2, 2013
- 15,170
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I saw my name mentioned and Michael-ed your postThe dynamic has certainly changed. I try to avoid getting soiled (unless it's that type of party), so don't read the forehead-smash-typing, barely coherent, amoebic-dysentery-disguised-as-words output that one finds on what their mutated, tufty-haired, knuckle-dragging fans laughably call Arsenal chat forums. Instead I read the HYS's on the BBC, which are downright hilarious (unless you're easily triggered!).
What has become clear to me is that the whole feel around the Arse (not that kind of feel around the arse) has gone from moronic elation over their 'undefeated streak' to equally moronic, but vastly more amusing, hair-tearing frustration and woe, which erupts (in much the same manner as a three-week festered boil would) every time things go wrong for them.
I can't remember if it was posted in this thread or elsewhere, but after their drubbing by Liverpool, there was an Arsenal Fan TV (or whatever it is they call that drivel) interview with a spotty toss funnel (thanks for the loan of the phrase there @doctor stefan Freud ) saying how they should trigger Toby's £25 million release clause in January.
Oh, how I wish someone was there to inform the pizza-faced, swearing-is-fun-and-proves-I'm-a-man-so-I'm-going-to-use-it-in-every-sentence biological waste sample what the chances were of a player trading CL football for EL football. I would love to have seen if it could have penetrated the massive Australopithecene (Oss-trallo-pithy-seen) shelf above the eyes into what we're constrained in calling a brain only because it's grey, mushy and soft and can't be called porridge (because porridge has value).
I would have derived great pleasure in watching the eyes glaze over, the limbs slacken, and the tongue go limp as the primal ooze contained in the specimen's cranium strained to shift processing power away from vital function to information processing.
It could have been very informative too, as it might have provided an opportunity to witness the nobility of the Arsenal fan. How one will often take the role of helper, physically supporting the information-processing specimen, when the latter does lose bodily function control due to the presentation of taxing information such as the reality of a transfer situation, or how good Arsenal actually are... or being asked their name.
Doing so ensures the processor specimen doesn't suffer harm from the loss of motor control which can result in the aforementioned loss of rigour in the limbs which, in turn, can cause the specimen to fall to the ground. In a scenario like that, vestigial tails and the webbing between fingers can suffer damage, so a helper specimen can be a real boon when a processor specimen is 'in refraction'.
However, it should be pointed out that this support isn't purely altruistic - it could, in fact, be a survival technique for the helper specimen as it spares him the pain and distress of having to process information himself. Once information has been processed in the typical Arsenal manner - glacially - the processor's basic motor control returns, sometimes in as short a space of time as four to six hours. However, during this time, it is very vulnerable and so the helper will care for and feed it (often with containers filed with a particular concoction they call "Thpethal Brooooo!").
Once this 'refraction period' is over and the processor has regained motor function, it can impart the (usually wrong) conclusions it has (very slowly) gleaned to the helper monk- er, specimen, through a series of grunts and whistles that many zoologists have stated bears a vague resemblance to human speech.
All-in-all, the Arsenal species is a fascinating animal to study. To quote Shakespeare:
"What a piece of work is Famblud Boy! How ignoble in reason, how finite in brain capacity. In form and moving how stunted and glutinous. In action how like a hippo. In apprehension how like a turd. The fetidity of the world. The paragon of morons".