BBC reports Gary Speed has died

[Narnill]

Suicide is an incredibly selfish thing to do, at the end of the day. You leave behind an absolute mess for your family, your kids, etc.

To the person with depression, the burden of your family having to put up with you, your mood swings, your negative impact on their life far outweighs that mess.

 

[McFlash]

As someone who's been struggling, suffering and fighting depression for nigh on two years, PT's post from Collymore sums it up. It's not something that you just "get over".
Two weeks ago, I was getting 2 to 3 hours sleep a night, for about a month.
I've just spent the last week unable to get out of bed.
I've no reason to be depressed. Pretty good job, loving wife and two beautiful young boys. It just got me and took a fair while for me to realise or admit.
I never really understood it and I'm still not sure that I do.

He mentions the black dog and if anyone gets the chance to read that book (it's almost a comic strip), I highly recommend it, if just for the way that it explains depression.

I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy (funny thing is, I don't even have any enemies!).

 

[chavkev]

To the person with depression, the burden of your family having to put up with you, your mood swings, your negative impact on their life far outweighs that mess.

As someone who has depression, I agree with you. Personally I deliberately steer clear of relationships as I cannot guarantee I will still be around in 5 or 10 years. The feeling of hopelessness, the gnawing sense of your own inadequacy is difficult to deal with.

RIP Gary.

 

[OmarsComing]

From what I've read about suicidal people is that they put on a front, they seem fine outwardly. Most cases of suicide see people doing ordinary things, seemingly fine. Then... they're gone. Must make matters all the worse for those around them.

Suicide is an incredibly selfish thing to do, at the end of the day. You leave behind an absolute mess for your family, your kids, etc.

You should not post about things you cannot comprehend or know anything about.

How hard do you think it was for him to kill himself and to leave a wife and 2 kids who are now in the spot light?

 

[Mullers]

Nothing to think about. It shouldn't matter to anyone whether he was gay or not.

It shouldn't matter but unfortunately the reality is that it does. Football is a very machismo profession and football crowds don't have a problem with doing any homophobic chanting and it's not something I've seen punished by the FA. So this society is more accepting than most but the world does not really accepting of gay people. In Gary's case he had a wife and kids, I can imagine that people would not be sympathetic to his plight if he was to come out and say he was gay.

 

[mpickard2087]

I was reading an article about suicide not long ago. It mentioned that dads / men are often motivated to kill themselves as an act of revenge. It is often the case that a husband who kills himself does it to punish a cheating wife.

This happened at the start of the year with the Rushden and Diamonds goalkeeper, who hung himself not long after finding out his wife/fiancee had been shagging his team-mate (Who is John Terry's brother) and couldnt live with knowing what had happened.

Whatever has happened with Speed, feel desperately sad for his kids who will grow having to deal with this.

 

[cwhite02]

I've been struggling with this ever since I heard the news. It seems to have knocked me for six a bit. I don't know why, maybe because he seemed to be one of the good guys, maybe because he's the first major ex player from my era to have died, but it is just so so sad.

Whatever the reasons, firstly I don't think today is the day to go over them, I just hope that nothing tars his good name.

It's his family I really feel for at the moment, so my heart goes out to them.

RIP Gary Speed, one of Yhe good guys of football.

It has me as well. You just wouldnt have thought it, just proves from the outside someone can seem to have a perfect life with everything a man could want but on the inside there must have been something so sad.

I'm so passionate about footy but watching MOTD tonight just shows you how footy really means nothing compared to some things in life.

RIP Speedy, hope you find peace.

 

[Gary-22]

Dont jump the gun lads its only rumour that he may have been gay lets wait and see and if it is so then we'll know his reasons but it will be irrelevant to his character, RIP

 

[Mullers]

From what I've read about suicidal people is that they put on a front, they seem fine outwardly. Most cases of suicide see people doing ordinary things, seemingly fine. Then... they're gone. Must make matters all the worse for those around them.

Suicide is an incredibly selfish thing to do, at the end of the day. You leave behind an absolute mess for your family, your kids, etc.

It's a tragic, tragic loss to Wales, who finally looked to be on the up and up. But more of a tragic loss to his wife and kids.

RIP Gary.

Sorry, but there's no excuse for taking your own life like that. When I heard he had died, I was genuinely saddened. But now that I know he did it himself, I have no sympathy for him.

My thoughts and sympathies go out to his family that now have to live with the fact that he decided he no longer wanted to be around for them. And especially to the poor soul who found him who is now probably scarred for life.

Gary Speed was mentally ill and unlike physical illness, mental illness still has a stigma and is less acceptable. That is evidenced by your statements, if Gary had lost his leg, I'm very sure you would have been sympathetic. The guy lost something more important than his leg, he lost his mind.

It is clear that once someone is seriously considering suicide they are no thinking about alternative options because they are no longer of clear and sound mind, they need help but if they don't realise that or believe that there isn't anywhere to turn, then this is the end result.

 

[Lanh]

Gary Speed was mentally ill...

He was?

It is clear that once someone is seriously considering suicide they are no thinking about alternative options because they are no longer of clear and sound mind, they need help but if they don't realise that or believe that there isn't anywhere to turn, then this is the end result.

Ah, so you don't have proof.

Sorry to pick on you, it's not you, it's me!

I'm just a bit sick of the prevailing assumption that those contemplating suicide are "mentally ill".

 

[Rout-Ledge]

I'm just a bit sick of the prevailing assumption that those contemplating suicide are "mentally ill".

Not always, but often.

 

[bomberH]

It'd be a pity if it was the gay thing. Of all the people involved in football, he's probably one of a handful who wouldn't have got any shit from the terraces. I know it boils down to a lot more than that, with the kids etc, but he strikes me as someone who could've easily got on with things in the public eye in the aftermath, if it turned out he was gay.

In fact, part of me hopes it's a lot more sinister because otherwise it'd be even more of a complete waste of life than it is already. Depression I could understand, but nothing about his persona throughout his career suggests (to me) he suffered from it. I know public and private are different things but I've dealt with lots of people with depression and there's a little something in each of them that made me realise they're depressed. I don't get that with Speed, with the way everyone has been describing him and stories they have of him. Could be wrong obviously, but at the moment it's certainly an odd one.

 

[Mullers]

He was?Ah, so you don't have proof.

The proof is in his actions.

Sorry to pick on you, it's not you, it's me!

No need to apologise, it is a forum. :up:

I'm just a bit sick of the prevailing assumption that those contemplating suicide are "mentally ill".

I guess it depends how you are going to define mentally ill but surely you can see why people assume that those contemplating suicide are mentally ill. From my point of view I think that mental illness is something that the large majority of people go through in their lifetime to various degrees and I don't believe there is any shame in it all.

 

[SelbYido]

Very sad news. For years I had a Gary Speed autograph pinned on my wall from when I met him in 1991 at one of the "Soccer Schools" that Leeds Utd put on in Selby - I was 9 at the time, he'd have been 21 or 22 & was starting to emerge as a great player at Leeds. From what I remember he was a really nice bloke, gave us a lot of good advice about how to make it in football. A lot of my mates growing up were Leeds supporters & I remember playing football with one of them in his garden & he was always doing the commentary thing "Batty...to Speed...Goal!!!" - he was always Speed. So yeah, he was a player very much looked up to in our area, even by people like myself who didn't support his team.

On the subject of suicide, its more complicated than to say he was "selfish" or anything like that. I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life & have family friends who have suffered it far worse than myself, one of whom also committed suicide despite having a seemingly perfect life - wealthy, happily married, three happy & successful children but was cursed with a chemical imbalance in her brain that ultimately led her to suicide. On the day it happened she waved her son (my mate, the wannabe Gary Speed I mentioned earlier) off to college in the morning, even taking the piss out our mate's rubbish attempt at dying his hair. By lunchtime she was missing & six week later she was found having drowned herself in a river.

Basically, there isn't always an obvious reason why someone takes such drastic action, such is the hold depression can have over someone's mind. As someone else said earlier in the thread, to describe suicide as a selfish act assumes that the person is thinking straight at the time, which they clearly aren't. It literally warps the thought process to such an extent that the sufferer can believe, wrongly, that their loved ones would be better off if they were no longer there - I've had those thoughts myself in darker times but having seen the effect of suicide on my friend's family, I know that the opposite is true.

Whatever the reason for this tragedy, I hope his family are left to mourn him in peace. Its a sad day for football. RIP Gary...

 

[Rout-Ledge]

It'd be a pity if it was the gay thing. Of all the people involved in football, he's probably one of a handful who wouldn't have got any shit from the terraces. I know it boils down to a lot more than that, with the kids etc, but he strikes me as someone who could've easily got on with things in the public eye in the aftermath, if it turned out he was gay.

In fact, part of me hopes it's a lot more sinister because otherwise it'd be even more of a complete waste of life than it is already. Depression I could understand, but nothing about his persona throughout his career suggests (to me) he suffered from it. I know public and private are different things but I've dealt with lots of people with depression and there's a little something in each of them that made me realise they're depressed. I don't get that with Speed, with the way everyone has been describing him and stories they have of him. Could be wrong obviously, but at the moment it's certainly an odd one.

I'd rather it turn out it was the gay thing. It wouldn't sully his memory and it may teach the footballing world a harsh and much needed lesson on the need to accept homosexuality.

 

[LadieK]

Does anyone know wherw i can catch motd 2? I missed most of it and hear it was largely based around poor Gary

 

[Reado]

I've had a look but found nothing so far as I also missed it. It'll be on iPlayer in the week sometime though.

 

[L-man]

Does anyone know wherw i can catch motd 2? I missed most of it and hear it was largely based around poor Gary

I think MOTD2 goes onto iPlayer so it may be on there tomorrow

 

[Marty]

MOTD2 is usually on iPlayer within 48 hours.

 

[Lanh]

I guess it depends how you are going to define mentally ill but surely you can see why people assume that those contemplating suicide are mentally ill.

True and yes, I chalk it down to lazy stereotyping. :lol: