- Feb 1, 2005
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- #1
Yesterday I knocked on my neighbours door. "Sorry to bother you, but my toilet won't flush" I said......."is there any chance I could take a shit in yours?"
"Sure mate, top of the stairs on the left" he chuckled.
"Thanks" I smiled, "I'll be back in minute, the wife's still fishing it out"
Here's something to pass the time with.......
GOALPOSTS
Daniel Levy was sitting in the Lotus position, deep in meditation as he tried to decide what he was going to do in the last few days of the transfer window………..His concentration was broken by a knock on his office door. He opened it to find a stunning Spanish brunette standing there holding a laptop.
‘Hola……..I’m staying upstairs, for the Olympics……I see you have a great connecti…’ Levy slammed the door shut in her face. ‘Oh fuck off’
Levy was a worried man. He was well aware that this transfer window could very well make or break him. As he looked out from his office onto the pitch he saw two ground staff carrying one of them portable training goals. He picked up his phone and got put through to them on their walkie talkies.
‘Put it down where you are’ he ordered them. They looked at each other, shrugged and put down the goal. ‘Now pick it up and move it three feet to the left’ Levy ordered. ‘That’s right, now take it fifteen feet to your right’………….As he spoke, the buzzer went on his desk, ‘Me Levy, it’s Mr AVB here to see you’ said his secretary, a woman who, as seasoned thread watchers will remember, has extraordinarily large breasts and goes like a rattlesnake.
AVB walked into the office, Levy motioned for him to take a seat. ‘I’ll be with you in a minute, just finishing something’……….AVB looked at him quizzically. ‘Ah……You’re moving the goalposts’ he laughed……’I thought that was just a saying made popular on Spurs Community?’
‘Those ****s!’ scowled Levy. ‘I hate them………..I hate them so much I sent an ITK in to drive them mad…..anyway, how do YOU know about them?’.
AVB smiled ‘It is well known that Spurs Community is a rich resource for scouting French African footballers’
Levy rolled his eyes. Just then his secretary walked in. Levy’s head bobbed up and down as he watched her massive tits bounce. She reminded him of that dirty bitch off of Sky Sports News. She handed him a sheet of paper. He took it and looked down at the latest report on ITK utterings.
‘That’s what I like to see’ laughed Levy. ‘Spurs Community are going insane talking about Lions’
AVB laughed. ‘Lions?’
Levy smiled again. ‘I told you I’ve got someone on the inside, they’ll spend weeks trying to be smart on this one, meanwhile, you tell me who you want and lets see if we can do a deal’
AVB wrote a name on a piece of paper and slid it across the desk to Levy.
‘Why the secrecy?’ asked Levy. ‘Well’ said AVB, word gets out easily and this way only me, you and A&C will know the name in question’
‘A&C?, how will that **** know what you’ve written?’ laughed Levy. ‘He’s about as ITK as what I curled out in the executive slash house this morning’
‘Two reasons’, replied AVB. ‘Firstly, he’s the one writing this story and second, remember Gylfi?’
‘OK then, so it’s between the three of us’……..Levy looked at the piece if paper and sighed. He picked up the phone again. ‘Put me through to those two ****s carrying that goal about again’
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