The Book of Ezekiel

[lillywhites61]

I thought that was pretty good to be fair mate

 

[Shanks]

Lot of effort to go on an average at best, youngster.

 

[chinaman]

1. And it came to pass that Buzi, of the house of Joshua, was exiled by Nebuchadnezzar II, from Judah. And the word of the Lord came to Buzi and told him to venture to the Roman fort of Mamucium in the north western province of Britannia. Whilst dwelling in the land of Britannia, a son was born to Buzi and he was named Ezekiel, meaning 'God will strengthen', and David.

2. At that time in the town of Mamucium, there was a powerful king named Alexander. He came from lands to the north and spake in a strange tongue. He drank so often of red wine that, it is said, his nose took on the same hue. He was given to violent rages and clothed his gladiators in shirts of blood.

3. At that time also in the lands of Robert the Bruce, near the town of Londinium, the people were very sad as they had lost their King.

4. And Ezekiel, son of Buzi, became good at games and came to the notice of Alexander. Ezekiel was forced to wear the shirt of blood and fight all manner of God's beasts including lions, wolves, swans and canaries.

5. Ezekiel was sad to wear the shirt of blood and the Lord saw this and sent his servant, the angel Daniel, to appear to Ezekiel. And Daniel spake thus, "Ezekiel, son of Buzi of the House of Joshua, go forth to the town of Londinium. For it is written in the prophecies that ye shall dwell in the House of Snakes, wear the shirt of white, for purity, and become the new King".

6. And Ezekiel was happy when he heard this and went forth the lands of Robert the Bruce to dwell in the House of Snakes. And the Lord saw this and it was good.

7. When Alexander heard that Ezekiel had gone forth, he flew into a rage and threatened to smite Ezekiel and sacrifice him before the Temple of Fa, whose priests worshipped the false Gods of Mammon.

8. The Lord sent his servant, Daniel, to appear again to Ezekiel. And Daniel spake thus, "Ezekiel, son of Buzi of the House of Joshua, thou is in great danger and need to flee into exile. I will appear to you again once the danger has passed".

9. Ezekiel was afraid when he heard this. He packed his possessions and fled across the seas to the lands of many tongues. There he wandered in the wilderness eating nothing but mussels, from the sea, and slivers of potato cooked in fat.

10.After 150 days and nights wandering in the Wilderness, the angel Daniel appeared again to Ezekiel in a dream. Heavenly hosts were singing 'Glory, Glory, Hallelujah' and Daniel spake, " Ezekiel, son of Buzi of the House of Joshua, go forth to the promised land where, it is written, you will become the new King."

11.And when Ezekiel returned to the promised land to dwell in the House of Snakes, there was much feasting and singing. Daniel ordered that the fatted calf be slayed in celebration although most of this was eaten by Thomas, the follower who never cut his hair.

12.When Alexander heard of Ezekiel's return he flew into a rage and blasphemed against Daniel. The Lord was displeased and turned Alexander's wine into water and put lead in the legs of the Mamucium defenders.

13.And the Lord spake thus, "verily I say unto thee, is it not true that whosever blasphemes and takes the name of my servant, the angel Daniel, in vain shall also take the name of the Lord in vain. For Daniel is different".

14.Here endeth the lesson.
Praise be to God.
Praise be to Daniel.
Praise be to the new King.
Glory, Glory, Hallelujah.

Are you a bible thumper?

 

[JerryGarcia]

I don't understand the way the bible is written, if you take away the verse numbers and replace them with the '@' symbol it looks like some kind of early beta version of Twitter. It's also full of people nobody knows, talking jibberish.

 

[Annabel]

phil - brilliant

 

[DubSpurs]

Zeki Fryers = Ezekial Fryers? Sounds like Fergie is piiiissed!

I'm wondering how everyone else didn't get that straight away!

 

[Spurger King]

I'm wondering how everyone else didn't get that straight away!

I suspected it was referring to Fryers straight away - I just don't see the point.