The Daily ITK Discussion Thread THE SHERWOOD TAPES 16th January 2014

[Archibald&Crooks]

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Whaap'm

This morning we're pleased to be able to give you an exclusive and quite possibly completely made up interview with none other than Spurs temporary manager, Timothy Sherwood.

The interview took place is SC's plush offices the location of which i'm afraid we cannot reveal until the BSoDL withdraw the fatwah.

SC INTERVIEW WITH TIM SHERWOOD

SC Interviewer with big norks: So, Tim, welcome to SC, how are you settling in to your new job?

Tim Sherwood (eyes transfixed on the big norks): Yeah. Big, erm, brilliant, yeah.

SC Interviewer with big norks: Were you surprised to get the job?

Tim Sherwood: No not really. I've always been confident in my ability.

SC Interviewer with big norks: Well, that's fine, but you don't have much managerial experience do you? In fact, you don't have any. What do you think qualifies you for such a big job?

Tim Sherwood: Well, the club has a Subbuteo league every season and I won the title three years running.

SC Interviewer with big norks: Subbuteo?

Tim Sherwood: Yeah, the chairman loves it. He gets to run around on the pitch with his heroes and all that, left the FA cup, score goals, you know, it makes him feel like a pro. The only rule is that nobody is allowed to flick him up the bum. He's got quite a bit of pace actually……...

SC Interviewer with big norks:

Tim Sherwood (still staring at the norks): Ever slept with a premiership manager?

SC Interviewer with big norks: Erm no. So your saying you got the job because you won the office Subbuteo league?

Tim Sherwood: Well, not JUST that……..I had to plan ahead like.

SC Interviewer with big norks: In what way?

Tim Sherwood: Well, I get listened to a lot when it comes to buying players. I make sure I vote against whoever the manager wants, then buy some right crap, slowly slowly catcheee monkey. as long as I go cheap, Levy loves me.

SC Interviewer with big norks: That's outrageous.

Tim Sherwood: Isn't it? So as you can see, i'm a smart cookie.

SC Interviewer with big norks: Smart or smarmy?

Tim Sherwood: Yeah I love cricket!

SC Interviewer with big norks: eh?

Tim Sherwood: Smarmy army! Smarmy army!

SC Interviewer with big norks: What the fuck…….

Tim Sherwood: Everywhere we go-oh………People want to know-oh

SC Interviewer with big norks: What are you doing?

Tim Sherwood: No, the next line is who we are

SC Interviewer with big norks: I think that's slowly becoming more and more obvious.

Tim Sherwood: Chill babe, I got this. Goodnight.

SC Interviewer with big norks: OK, lets start again shall we? Swansea away, a tough game, how will you be approaching it?

Tim Sherwood: Well, I was thinking M4 and then the A483

SC Interviewer with big norks: Oh for fucks sake. That's not what I meant. The game, the game, how will you play against fucking Swansea?

Tim Sherwood: We'll attack them from out wide. I'm playing 6 wingers in the hope of nullifying their midfield. It'll be a hard game but as I keep saying to the lads, we're only ever three flicks from a goal.

SC Interviewer with big norks: Flicks?

Tim Sherwood: *Makes Subbuteo flicking gesture………...You got it babe. Champions! Champions!

SC Interviewer with big norks: *sighs and mutters under her breath 'This club is well and truly fucked'

SC Interviewer with big norks: Thanks for your time Tim

Tim Sherwood: Pleasure, babe. Want to comeback to mine? See my league title medals?

SC Interviewer with big norks: I'll pass thanks.

Tim Sherwood: Fucking hell babe, if you can pass, i'll sign you up! Here's a pen *unzips flies

SC Interviewer with big norks: Fuck right off.

At this point the interview was terminated. At no point during the interview did Tim Sherwoods eyes leave the SC interviewers big norks. The SC interviewer with the big norks was played by Bill Oddie. The big norks were played by Stoof and TSH.

Enjoy.

 

[yankspurs]

I agree the interviewer. This club is fucked. But you know what? This is my fucked club and i wouldn't trace it in for anything. COYS!

 

[0-Tibsy-0]

Morning all. For some unknown reason I have woken up this morning feeling that little bit more optimistic about Spurs than I have in a while. No idea why. But i'm taking it as a sign for good news. It's gunna be rolling in today. And we're probably going to win the league (ok maybe not quite that optimistic...). COYS.

 

[Archibald&Crooks]

To put an end to the arguments currently raging in the mod forum, Stoof played the left tit.

TSH is the right tit.

As if that were ever in doubt.

 

[Nine while nine]

I love the Subbuteo concept. Difficult to see how Timmy replicates the Lloris charge out of goal, but it does go a long way to explaining the mobility of our centre backs...

 

[Lilbaz]

I love the Subbuteo concept. Difficult to see how Timmy replicates the Lloris charge out of goal, but it does go a long way to explaining the mobility of our centre backs...

He has a two foot stick.

 

[Nine while nine]

He has a two foot stick.

And that, of course, is the other reason he got the job...

 

[rawhide]

And that, of course, is the other reason he got the job...

I thought it was no gag reflex...

 

[HighVoltage]

Sport Bild reports that 12 clubs made a move for Robert Lewandowski before he agreed to move to Bayern Munich. Here's the full list: Manchester City, Manchester United, Arsenal, Tottenham, Chelsea, Juventus, Real Madrid, Inter Milan, Roma, Shakhtar Donetsk, Zenit St Petersburg and... Dortmund.

Well, at least we tried

 

[PhezTHFC]

My donation has been complete! For guys wondering about Chadli's sitauation his agent has stated he is staying with Tottenham! Start of a good day perhaps?

 

[Lilbaz]

Well, at least we tried

But would it have been a tim signing or a raffle?

 

[Breezer]

To put an end to the arguments currently raging in the mod forum, Stoof played the left tit.

TSH is the right tit.

As if that were ever in doubt.

I'm guessing you stepped in as soon as TS unzipped his flies.

 

[spurs9]

My donation has been complete! For guys wondering about Chadli's sitauation his agent has stated he is staying with Tottenham! Start of a good day perhaps?

Thats great news. Do you have a link to the quotes? The only quotes i have seen that are supposidly from the agent say Chadli eants to leave to ensure he goes to the WC squad.

 

[SpursSvedala]

Well, at least we tried

Yeah, I can for real imagine Levy offering like Kyle Naughton+ 1 million £

 

[0-Tibsy-0]

Thats great news. Do you have a link to the quotes? The only quotes i have seen that are supposidly from the agent say Chadli eants to leave to ensure he goes to the WC squad.

Its a quote from a quite reliable Belgian journalist, he gets lots righht as he is based in England to write about the Belgian players for a paper back home. Not sure if we are permitted to post the tweets in this thread, but check out the Chadli thread in 'transfer rumours'.

 

[Archibald&Crooks]

No tweets, no rumours from tweets or their bastard sons thereof.

 

[spurs9]

Its a quote from a quite reliable Belgian journalist, he gets lots righht as he is based in England to write about the Belgian players for a paper back home. Not sure if we are permitted to post the tweets in this thread, but check out the Chadli thread in 'transfer rumours'.

Thanks for that. hopefully any rumors about Lamela, Capoue & Holtby leaving turn out to be bullshit to. i had a awful feeling that they would all be gone at the end of Jan, which would mean 50% of the players we bought in the last year would be sold.

 

[Jocke W]

Yeah, I can for real imagine Levy offering like Kyle Naughton+ 1 million £

Why offer players and cash when the player will leave for free in the summer? This was the clubs offering Lewandowski a contract. Not transfer bids.

 

[Rob]

Why offer players and cash when the player will leave for free in the summer? This was the clubs offering Lewandowski a contract. Not transfer bids.

Nah, he meant we'd offer him Naughton. You know, to do his shopping for him, maybe a spot of laundry

 

[Jocke W]

Nah, he meant we'd offer him Naughton. You know, to do his shopping for him, maybe a spot of laundry

Haha. I don't know if I would like to have Naughton as a personal laundry boy. He is useless at both right and left so he would def. have a problem when it comes to sorting socks!