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'I had to tell my players our keeper had taken his own life': Gillingham's Justin Edinburgh on dealing with tragedy
'Paul Gascoigne was the best by a mile,' says Edinburgh, who returns to White Hart Lane on Wednesday for the first time as a manager, with Gillingham in the EFL Cup.
'He was better than Klinsmann. Jurgen changed the mentality of the club. He changed the way I thought about football.
After his first day of training he went up to the coaches. We were training with balls that were all mixed, plucked from all over the place. He asked: 'Are these the match balls?' They just said, 'We play with different balls.'
Jurgen insisted: 'Why aren't we training with match balls?' It sounds simple now but back then it wasn't being done. The manner in which we trained, the tempo, intensity, professionalism all changed with Jurgen.
'But wow, Gazza was the best I played with. The year he came back from Italia '90 he was just beyond what I'd seen. He had everything —two feet, strength, he could head, he scored goals, tackled, worked hard.
'A lot of geniuses live on the edge. They take more risks and are prepared to do things others wouldn't. They are outside other people's comfort zone.
'He had an unbelievable will to win. It was everything — five-a-side, pitch and putt, pool. I've seen him at functions in recent times but we're not in touch. You see the headlines and it's sad. People say it's self-indulged or self-destructive but it's just very sad. We had great times at Spurs.'
Talking to Edinburgh, you sense he could quite happily reminisce all day about his decade at the club.
For Edinburgh, now 46, Wednesday sees the culmination of a personal odyssey. After retiring in 2003 due to persistent injuries, he embarked on a circuitous journey through non-League that has seen him endure triumph and tragedy.
He has coached at six clubs, starting out in the Isthmian Premier League, the seventh tier of English football, with Billericay Town 13 years ago.
'I was coaching the kids at Spurs. Glenn Hoddle was manager and let me watch some of his sessions. I didn't feel fulfilled. I needed the result to matter. I lived in Billericay, picked up the local paper, and the back page said the manager had left. I said to my wife: "I'm going to see the chairman there". I drove to the club. He was amazed I'd turned up.
'It was humbling. After 10 years at Spurs, you can get caught up with it. It endears you to the non-league club — these volunteers work 9-5 and then come to wash the kit for no money.
Losing a game as manager with Billericay started to affect me more than losing with Spurs as a player. As a manager, if you lose, everyone looks at you. Everything's on your shoulders. People want answers. Only one person gets sacked. You don't sack a squad, you don't sack the chairman or directors.'
Edinburgh found the transition difficult. 'I wasn't in the public eye but listen, losing for Billericay in front of 250 people was unacceptable,' he said. 'My first year was torrid. I did well to survive. Only the fact I was who I was made the chairman stand by me.
We just avoided relegation, we did poorly in the cups. I didn't know the level. I'd seen a few games but didn't understand the mentality of the players. I was demanding a level they couldn't appreciate. So I quickly adapted and learned.'
Edinburgh lasted three years at Billericay before spells at Fisher Athletic, Grays Athletic and Woking. In 2009, he became manager of Conference side Rushden and Diamonds, finishing fourth in his first season but the second campaign was undermined by serious economic problems and in 2011, the club wound up.
For Edinburgh, a far more personal ordeal came when his goalkeeper Dale Roberts was found dead in his home at the age of 24. An inquest found that Roberts had been suffering from depression.
Edinburgh's sunny outlook dims. 'It changed me, in every aspect of life. I was on the way to a match, we were playing a cup replay. The club phoned and said what the police had discovered.
'We were on the motorway. I had to pull the coach over. I couldn't think of any right place to tell the players. I couldn't tell them in the car park or in a service station. I gathered them on the coach — these are young men, his friends — to tell them that he took his own life.
'How could I ever have been prepared for that? Back at the club, the chaplain came in and there was all the staff and players. It was an open room and people helped one another, consoled one another.'
He pauses for breath, his voice shaking. 'I felt I should have seen some signs. The players and staff took some counselling and so did I. That clears the mind but I still think 'I should have known' or 'Could I have done this or that?'
'There's a bit of guilt. You think you could have done more. I'm a leader for 20-22 players who are close. They lost him when he was no age at all — his whole life ahead of him. Difficult... you know... you think, where did that come from? Why did it happen? Why did we do this and why did we not do that?'
Now at Gillingham, Edinburgh ensures a chaplain is always at the training ground: 'He is not in your face but every player is aware he is there if you need him.
'I think I'm more diligent and conscious of players' moods, stability and where they are at. We need to make sure everyone's comfortable with what you are doing to move forwards. You can't disrespect anyone, you can't isolate anyone or make them feel weak if they don't feel right.'
After the pain of Rushden, Edinburgh was appointed manager of Newport County, taking them from 23rd in the Conference and into the Football League in 2013. After 10 years, he had finally made the big time.
'There was a time I thought I'd missed my chance. I wondered if people would label me a non-League manager. You get the stigma of "Is he league material?"
'A lot of managers at that level get overlooked. I would have carried on. I had no ego about working at that level. Not a bit of it. I'd have carried on and been the biggest success I could be at that level. I started in the fourth division of football and made my way up as a player.
'I began as a schoolboy in Southend and Bobby Moore was the manager. I remember seeing him, the World Cup-winning captain, crawling through a hole in a fence to get on a public field to train.
'That was the first team and us schoolboys were training beside them. They were asked to move off because it was the public park. If it's good enough for a World Cup captain, who the hell am I to think anything is beyond me?'
In 2015, he was headhunted by Gillingham, allowing him to return closer to his family after living in Newport for three years.
Edinburgh's ambition for progress remains. His side are two points off the League One play-off places and knocked out Watford in the previous round of the EFL Cup. He wants the Premier League to be a regular experience but knows the challenge facing English managers.
'People say it's because of the standard of the coaching but I think there are a lot of foreign owners who look at foreign coaches. It does frustrate me and I'm sure it does all British managers. How many good English coaches are not able to get back into football? It was right we had an English manager in charge of our national team.
'I listen to all these philosophies and buzzwords. Your ethos is winning football matches. If you're not winning, you're not going to be in football very long. You can't lose sight of what it's about — at any level.'
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/fo...-Edinburgh-dealing-tragedy.html#ixzz4Kvb7lrib
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
- Gillingham travel to face Tottenham in the EFL Cup on Wednesday
- The Gills travel to White Hart Lane after beating Watford in the last round
- Manager Justin Edinburgh played for Spurs between 1990 and 2000
'Paul Gascoigne was the best by a mile,' says Edinburgh, who returns to White Hart Lane on Wednesday for the first time as a manager, with Gillingham in the EFL Cup.
'He was better than Klinsmann. Jurgen changed the mentality of the club. He changed the way I thought about football.
After his first day of training he went up to the coaches. We were training with balls that were all mixed, plucked from all over the place. He asked: 'Are these the match balls?' They just said, 'We play with different balls.'
Jurgen insisted: 'Why aren't we training with match balls?' It sounds simple now but back then it wasn't being done. The manner in which we trained, the tempo, intensity, professionalism all changed with Jurgen.
'But wow, Gazza was the best I played with. The year he came back from Italia '90 he was just beyond what I'd seen. He had everything —two feet, strength, he could head, he scored goals, tackled, worked hard.
'A lot of geniuses live on the edge. They take more risks and are prepared to do things others wouldn't. They are outside other people's comfort zone.
'He had an unbelievable will to win. It was everything — five-a-side, pitch and putt, pool. I've seen him at functions in recent times but we're not in touch. You see the headlines and it's sad. People say it's self-indulged or self-destructive but it's just very sad. We had great times at Spurs.'
Talking to Edinburgh, you sense he could quite happily reminisce all day about his decade at the club.
For Edinburgh, now 46, Wednesday sees the culmination of a personal odyssey. After retiring in 2003 due to persistent injuries, he embarked on a circuitous journey through non-League that has seen him endure triumph and tragedy.
He has coached at six clubs, starting out in the Isthmian Premier League, the seventh tier of English football, with Billericay Town 13 years ago.
'I was coaching the kids at Spurs. Glenn Hoddle was manager and let me watch some of his sessions. I didn't feel fulfilled. I needed the result to matter. I lived in Billericay, picked up the local paper, and the back page said the manager had left. I said to my wife: "I'm going to see the chairman there". I drove to the club. He was amazed I'd turned up.
'It was humbling. After 10 years at Spurs, you can get caught up with it. It endears you to the non-league club — these volunteers work 9-5 and then come to wash the kit for no money.
Losing a game as manager with Billericay started to affect me more than losing with Spurs as a player. As a manager, if you lose, everyone looks at you. Everything's on your shoulders. People want answers. Only one person gets sacked. You don't sack a squad, you don't sack the chairman or directors.'
Edinburgh found the transition difficult. 'I wasn't in the public eye but listen, losing for Billericay in front of 250 people was unacceptable,' he said. 'My first year was torrid. I did well to survive. Only the fact I was who I was made the chairman stand by me.
We just avoided relegation, we did poorly in the cups. I didn't know the level. I'd seen a few games but didn't understand the mentality of the players. I was demanding a level they couldn't appreciate. So I quickly adapted and learned.'
Edinburgh lasted three years at Billericay before spells at Fisher Athletic, Grays Athletic and Woking. In 2009, he became manager of Conference side Rushden and Diamonds, finishing fourth in his first season but the second campaign was undermined by serious economic problems and in 2011, the club wound up.
For Edinburgh, a far more personal ordeal came when his goalkeeper Dale Roberts was found dead in his home at the age of 24. An inquest found that Roberts had been suffering from depression.
Edinburgh's sunny outlook dims. 'It changed me, in every aspect of life. I was on the way to a match, we were playing a cup replay. The club phoned and said what the police had discovered.
'We were on the motorway. I had to pull the coach over. I couldn't think of any right place to tell the players. I couldn't tell them in the car park or in a service station. I gathered them on the coach — these are young men, his friends — to tell them that he took his own life.
'How could I ever have been prepared for that? Back at the club, the chaplain came in and there was all the staff and players. It was an open room and people helped one another, consoled one another.'
He pauses for breath, his voice shaking. 'I felt I should have seen some signs. The players and staff took some counselling and so did I. That clears the mind but I still think 'I should have known' or 'Could I have done this or that?'
'There's a bit of guilt. You think you could have done more. I'm a leader for 20-22 players who are close. They lost him when he was no age at all — his whole life ahead of him. Difficult... you know... you think, where did that come from? Why did it happen? Why did we do this and why did we not do that?'
Now at Gillingham, Edinburgh ensures a chaplain is always at the training ground: 'He is not in your face but every player is aware he is there if you need him.
'I think I'm more diligent and conscious of players' moods, stability and where they are at. We need to make sure everyone's comfortable with what you are doing to move forwards. You can't disrespect anyone, you can't isolate anyone or make them feel weak if they don't feel right.'
After the pain of Rushden, Edinburgh was appointed manager of Newport County, taking them from 23rd in the Conference and into the Football League in 2013. After 10 years, he had finally made the big time.
'There was a time I thought I'd missed my chance. I wondered if people would label me a non-League manager. You get the stigma of "Is he league material?"
'A lot of managers at that level get overlooked. I would have carried on. I had no ego about working at that level. Not a bit of it. I'd have carried on and been the biggest success I could be at that level. I started in the fourth division of football and made my way up as a player.
'I began as a schoolboy in Southend and Bobby Moore was the manager. I remember seeing him, the World Cup-winning captain, crawling through a hole in a fence to get on a public field to train.
'That was the first team and us schoolboys were training beside them. They were asked to move off because it was the public park. If it's good enough for a World Cup captain, who the hell am I to think anything is beyond me?'
In 2015, he was headhunted by Gillingham, allowing him to return closer to his family after living in Newport for three years.
Edinburgh's ambition for progress remains. His side are two points off the League One play-off places and knocked out Watford in the previous round of the EFL Cup. He wants the Premier League to be a regular experience but knows the challenge facing English managers.
'People say it's because of the standard of the coaching but I think there are a lot of foreign owners who look at foreign coaches. It does frustrate me and I'm sure it does all British managers. How many good English coaches are not able to get back into football? It was right we had an English manager in charge of our national team.
'I listen to all these philosophies and buzzwords. Your ethos is winning football matches. If you're not winning, you're not going to be in football very long. You can't lose sight of what it's about — at any level.'
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/fo...-Edinburgh-dealing-tragedy.html#ixzz4Kvb7lrib
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook
