The Weekend ITK Discussion Thread - The Oddieus the Eunuch Edition 6/7 July 2013

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Archibald&Crooks

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Morning all. Here's your weekend thread.​

But first............

BEN HER – A tale of the eyeteekay

Using the SC Time Machine we went back to ancient Roman times, specifically to a date a few days before the great chariot race.

I was lying on a couch being fed grapes by a naked slave with massive bosoms but it didn’t feel right. Tits that big just don’t look right on a geezer. So I got up and changed couches. This one was better. The bosoms were slightly smaller but these came with a vadge and as she was just starting to tickle my town halls a eunuch entered, carrying a roll of parchment.

‘Read it’ I said as I shifted slightly and let out a rip snorting fart, straight into the female slaves face.

The eunuch, who was naturally unnmoved by the site of the slave girls head bobbing up and down as she tried her best not to gag said ‘its from the Prince of Her’

You mean ‘BEN her?’ I asked………The eunuch nodded.

‘He says we’re buying a Villa in Spain’

'No mention of colours?' I asked, with one eyebrow raised

'No master, wrong ITK' he replied

How about 'Yellow' have we had any news on Yellow?' I asked

'No your wellhungness, nothing'

I dismissed the eunuch and as he left a thought crossed my mind ‘Oddieus’ I called. The eunuch turned, I said ‘In future bring me all ITK straight away. The masses need to know.

Ah, said Oddieus, 'not In the Know, Need to Know.......NTK'

'Fuckoff pleb, i'll crack the gags'

And that was the first ever ITK in ancient Rome. And like all new fashions, it caught on quickly. A while later, I was being carried through the streets in a litter by four slaves (I was going to choose the Mk6 but being carried by six slaves seemed a tad extravagant) and I saw a poster nailed to a wall. No, not one of you ****s, a proper poster, made out of paper and everything...........It was a proclamation by Senator Acqiulinusyid stating that he had been informed that a meltdown of all gold coin was to be held and a trophy fashioned out of it all to present to the winner of the great race. More ITK. And the people were lapping it up.

As we paraded through the street, people were gathered everywhere, discussing the latest ITK, I could hear snippets as we passed

‘psst! Noodlus says we could get Sold-a-do’

'That's Soldado you twat'

‘It’s true! Archibaldus thinks we’re investing in new strikereiei’

One person was arrested and banned from public meetings on the spot for talking about something off topic when he asked if the price of oranges had gone up.

The frenzy was astonishing. Finally we reached the city square. A messenger was stood on some steps with literally hundreds of people gathered around him. ‘A prclomation from Guyus Julius Pottle’ he shouted. ‘To celebrate the great race we shall be sacrificing a Goat’………..Just as he’d got the word ‘Goat’ out an arrow fizzed through the air and killed him stone dead.

Someone screamed ‘The Messenger has been shot, the Messenger has been shot’ and people started running in a panic. Calm was eventually restored after several arrests were made.

Eventually, The great race arrived, the race was run and none of the ITK’s predictions bore fruit. As one wise old man put it, ITK had never been the same since the Oracles at Delphi disappeared.

And now it was time for me to come back. I paid one last visit to the coliseum where I watched ITK forum recruits being put through their paces. Once their training was complete they became fully fledged modulati. I laughed as a wizened old hag pointed at me as I left and said……….

In the beginning, there was chaos. Chaos was darkness, the waters of the abyss. The first god, The Goat, arose from the waters using nothing but his own strength to give form to his body. The Goat existed alone. All was his. Yesterday and tomorrow were his. Alone, he took his penis in his hand. He made love to his fist. He made his exquisite joy with his fingers. And from the flame of the fiery blast which he kindled with his hand, eyeteekay was formed. But ITK begat Twitter........You're doomed A&C, doomed. Naturally I kicked the old bag straight in the minge.

And there you have it. ITK in ancient Roman times. How much has changed? How much has survived the thousands of years and has its roots in Rome? I’ll leave that up to you to decide.

So here we are. Back in the present and will this weekend bring a present? Paulinho? Villa? Only time will tell.

Today's word of the day is: Bitch
 

coysjod

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Kyle's mom is a bitch


(and if it would have been allowed I would have backed it up with a quite brillant little video)


on topic and highly informative if I may say so myself


Btw thank you dear Adolf&Cocks for the excellent history lesson, much obliged
 

piedpiper

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I think wishkah had something to share last night. He was looking for mods to verify. On other itk didn't greyfox say he was off on holidays and he was told 2 players would be announced by the 8th. Well Paulinho should be confirmed by then.
 

cabinfever

Cabinfever's blue and white army
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This is like a school test - create a sentence using all the words of the day, so far. This could be a good game!!?,

My bitch was blowing a spunkbubble while having a poo!!



Anyway, I'd like us to actually sign someone now, enough talk & ITK. I want action!!!
 

worcestersauce

"I'm no optimist I'm just a prisoner of hope
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I just wish they'd tell us about it if we buy someone.
 

Original # 10

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It's the weekend and time from Mr Levy to get cracking with his housework
Make sure you do a good job Daniel!

Please!
 

Oshi

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I never get tired of these funny stories you come up with A&C, and even after (a mere) 2 years of reading them still get the unexpected brilliance.

I was lying on a couch being fed grapes by a naked slave with massive bosoms but it didn’t feel right. Tits that big just don’t look right on a geezer.
I think I just ruined another keyboard, Tea-splosion, fucking hilarious. :ROFLMAO:
 
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