- Feb 1, 2005
Here's another thread for you to shit all over, lose your access, then cry about it.
Levylocks and the three Chairmen
Once upon a time, there was a football club chairman named Levylocks. He was looking to not sign players, but give the impression that he wanted to. He went to his office.
At the table in the office, there were three player offers. Levylocks was desperate. He read the first offer.
"This offer is too much!" he exclaimed.
So, he read the second offer
"This contract is just a bit more than I like," he said
So, he read the last offer.
"Ahhh, this offer is a loan, that's just right," he said happily and he picked up the phone
After he'd read the three chairmens offer he decided he was feeling a little tired. So, he walked into the boardroom where he saw three chairs. Levylocks sat in the first chair to rest his feet.
"This chair is too big, my feet don't touch the ground!" he exclaimed.
So he sat in the second chair.
"This chair is too big, too!" he whined. "I can't see the table"
So he tried the last and smallest chair.
"Ahhh, this chair is just right," he sighed. But just as he settled down into the chair to rest, he saw a note saying he couldn't sit in the chair unless he loaned it! "bollocks to that" said Levylocks and sat in it anyway.
Levylocks still hadn't signed any players and was very tired by this time, so he went upstairs to the bedroom. He lay down in the first bed, but it was too hard. Then he lay in the second bed, but it was too soft. Then he lay down in the third bed and it was just right. Levylocks fell asleep.
As he was sleeping, the three club chairmen came home.
"Someone didn't make me an offer," growled the Madrid Chairman.
"Someone didn't make me an offer," said the Lisbon Chairman.
"Someone's been making me an offer and it's really low" cried the PSG Chairman.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," growled the Madrid Chairman.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair," said the Lisbon Chairman.
"Someone's been sitting in my chair and they didn't loan it," cried the PSG Chairman.
They decided to look around some more and when they got upstairs to the bedroom, The PSG Chairman growled, "Someone's been sleeping in my bed,"
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed, too" said the Lisbon Chairman
"Someone's been sleeping in my bed and he's still there!" exclaimed Madrid Chairman.
Fuck him, they all cried, he's made his bed, let him lie in it.
Just then, Levylocks woke up and saw the three chairmen. He screamed, "Help!" And he jumped up and ran out of the room. Levylocks ran down the stairs, opened the door, and ran away into the distance.
And he never returned to make genuine offers to the three chairmen.