The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - The Lurkers & Begging Bowl Edition 12th August 2013

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Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
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Morning all! Apologies for the lateness of today's thread. I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn't let me in. I shouted to my wife, "Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?" "Yes honey." she said.......
"What is it?", I asked........."It's the date of our anniversary."....................Bitch.

WHEN WE SIGNED SOLDADO SC SHATTERED ITS RECORD FOR USERS ONLINE! We can only do that thanks to your donations. Yes, today folks, we're passing around the begging bowl! More on that soon........

Last night I got a text from my wife that said "I just beat my highest on Candy Crush! PS you're boring in bed.", more upsetting than you might think as she sent it while we were having sex.

Here's something old to pass the time with.......

GOALPOSTS AND SECRET ITK

Daniel Levy was sitting in the Lotus position, deep in meditation as he tried to decide what he was going to do in the last few days of the transfer window………..His concentration was broken by a knock on his office door. He opened it to find a stunning Spanish brunette standing there holding a laptop.

‘Hola……..I’m staying upstairs, for the Olympics……I see you have a great connecti…’ Levy slammed the door shut in her face. ‘Oh fuck off’

Levy was a worried man. He was well aware that this transfer window could very well make or break him. As he looked out from his office onto the pitch he saw two ground staff carrying one of them portable training goals. He picked up his phone and got put through to them on their walkie talkies.

‘Put it down where you are’ he ordered them. They looked at each other, shrugged and put down the goal. ‘Now pick it up and move it three feet to the left’ Levy ordered. ‘That’s right, now take it fifteen feet to your right’………….As he spoke, the buzzer went on his desk, ‘Me Levy, it’s Mr AVB here to see you’ said his secretary, a woman who, as seasoned thread watchers will remember, has extraordinarily large breasts and goes like a rattlesnake.

AVB walked into the office, Levy motioned for him to take a seat. ‘I’ll be with you in a minute, just finishing something’……….AVB looked at him quizzically. ‘Ah……You’re moving the goalposts’ he laughed……’I thought that was just a saying made popular on Spurs Community?’

‘Those ****s!’ scowled Levy. ‘I hate them………..I hate them so much I sent an ITK in to drive them mad…..anyway, how do YOU know about them?’.

AVB smiled ‘It is well known that Spurs Community is a rich resource for scouting French African footballers’

Levy rolled his eyes. Just then his secretary walked in. Levy’s head bobbed up and down as he watched her massive tits bounce. She reminded him of that dirty bitch off of Sky Sports News. She handed him a sheet of paper. He took it and looked down at the latest report on ITK utterings.

‘That’s what I like to see’ laughed Levy. ‘Spurs Community are going insane talking about Lions’

AVB laughed. ‘Lions?’

Levy smiled again. ‘I told you I’ve got someone on the inside, they’ll spend weeks trying to be smart on this one, meanwhile, you tell me who you want and lets see if we can do a deal’

AVB wrote a name on a piece of paper and slid it across the desk to Levy.

‘Why the secrecy?’ asked Levy. ‘Well’ said AVB, word gets out easily and this way only me, you and A&C will know the name in question’

‘A&C?, how will that **** know what you’ve written?’ laughed Levy. ‘He’s about as ITK as what I curled out in the executive slash house this morning’

‘Two reasons’, replied AVB. ‘Firstly, he’s the one writing this story and second, remember Gylfi?’

‘OK then, so it’s between the three of us’……..Levy looked at the piece if paper and sighed. He picked up the phone again. ‘Put me through to those two ****s carrying that goal about again’

Today's word of the day is: Flashbacks

HAVE YOU DONATED THIS MONTH/YET/AT ALL?

As you all know, SC relies on your donations to be able to provide a unrivalled coverage of ITK, if it wasn't for you guys, the server would crash left right and centre and we simply couldn't afford to be as awesome and sexy as I am, I mean we are.

A few weeks ago we ran a poll asking when people thought we'd sign Benteke. The poll got an astonishing number of votes, over 600 of you took part.​
Six bloody hundred. And that's just the yokes who bothered voting. Whichever way you slice it that's a lot. If everyone slung just three or four quid in the pot we'd be sorted for quite a while, so if you've never donated before, please consider doing so now.​
Now, when it's donation drive time, which it is i'm afraid, where are you? *Goes all Delia* where aaaaare yoooooou? Let's be having youuuuuuu!​
I reckon we've about 500 or more lurkmeisters, so come on guys, if you're one of them and you enjoy SC's coverage of the Transfer Window (and lets face it, you do because you're here right?), then please chip in. It doesn't have to be a massive amount. A monkey will do. Nah i'm kidding.......Why not a long 'un? Or even a pony? hehe, seriously though, a cockle would be great or even a lady. In fact whatever you can stretch to.​
And if you happen to be a Spurs mad gazzillionaire, cough the fuck up. Or if you're a famous Spurs fan, then send me a PM, you might be able to help us.​
But A&C, where does the money go?
Outgoings: The server costs £390 per month. Forum software purchases/licenses/misc comes to around £500 a year. So currently, the cost of SC is about £5k a year.

Incomings: Advertising/Affiliates can sometimes cover the costs during the transfer window (January, July, August) but thats sometimes. The rest of the year that falls well short. Its difficult to give an exact figure because the numbers don't stay the same but i'd say £100 a month during the quiet months. Donations during the quiet months come to about £50pm if we're lucky.

Rob will know better than I do, but I reckon we're short by about £2500 a year.

If one month we raise more than is needed, it stays in the pot as it won't be long before it IS needed. The shortfall is made up out of Robs pocket. I'll repeat that.......It comes out of his pocket. Think about that for a minute. I reckon he pays an average of £50 a WEEK.

This is why i'm often cajoling, nudging, outright begging and open to bribery during the transfer window. It's when the most of you are about and our last big donation drive raised enough to cover costs for a couple of months or so.

Any excess raised stays in the pot until its needed when donations/income goes right down. Absolutely nothing goes on anything other than SC's running costs.

So, if you'd like to donate, there's a donation link on the front or home page of the site. We use Paypal but you don't need an account with them, you can use your card in the same way as making any other online purchase. If you want to send a postal order/cheque, please PM myself or Rob.

All donations are very much appreciated. Thanks.

PS: I love Daniel Levy, honest.

My wife wont let me babysit again, last time i was watching a film with my son he got scared and said "dad, is that lady going to die?" I said "probably, judging by the size of that horses cock"
 

TottenhamLegend

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I was planning to do all my transfer pledge money in one lump come September, but if you need it urgently to cover August, let me know and I'll do what I owe so far now.
 

tiger666

Large member
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My wife wont let me babysit again, last time i was watching a film with my son he got scared and said "dad, is that lady going to die?" I said "probably, judging by the size of that horses cock"
:ROFLMAO:



Croatian lad sounds promising. Know nothing about him but has a name that will give Pleat a hernia trying to pronounce so can't be bad.
 

Archibald&Crooks

Aegina Expat
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Many thanks guys, you're triffic top top chaps but please only give what you can afford and when you can afford it.

You've made me moist and semi erect at the same time. And that's no mean feat, the last time that happened, Oddie was tickling my bum with a feather plucked from a Swan's vadge at dawn whilst it still had dewdrops on it. At least he told me they were dewdrops.
 

Powder Keg

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2013
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140
Just donated £20. I'll smash in with another £20 is we sign Coentrao. I didn't learn how to spell that name for nothing.
 

Hoopspur

"Same Old Faces, Same Old Shit"; )
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Jun 28, 2012
Messages
5,314
As far as I was concerned hadn't we already agreed a fee before for the Croatian guy in principle? It's now convincing him (and family) to 'come on down'. If Chelski can do that with Hazard's brother then so can we.

Hoping for some positive things today.
 

ross the saint

Active Member
Joined
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Messages
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I too am in a bad place financially, but I've had so much enjoyment out of this website (and agony).

I'll put in a bluey for now, with a solemn promise of more when things pick up.

Cheers A&C, it's not true what Rob says about you, you're a top guy(y)
 

EnfieldYiddo

Silence
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Aug 6, 2012
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As far as I was concerned hadn't we already agreed a fee before for the Croatian guy in principle? It's now convincing him (and family) to 'come on down'. If Chelski can do that with Hazard's brother then so can we.

Hoping for some positive things today.
I said in his thread yesterday if we have gone back in must mean we are either confident of agreeing personal terms or we are willing to give him what he wanted, otherwise it would be pointless to try again given we already are aware of his demands.
 

Bofrok

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Joined
Aug 28, 2011
Messages
248
My £20 just gone in, can't do it very often as I'm retired now.

Had to wait a while as we had our oven repaired a short time ago and I could have got a new one by the time I had paid for parts and labour!
 

ARMASPUR

Active Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2008
Messages
352
Really need a new signing today to cheer me up, I had far too much drink at the weekend and I've got the horrors big time today. :(
 

Gilzeanking

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Few belly laughs there A&C , top stuff , 'Source of French African players' got me.

On the money my no show excuse is watertight....trying to donate to SC, the algorithm said I needed checking by the Delhi based security callcentre...got all the questions right ,a/c nos mums name , last hols on and on...then they asked where I was hols before last ?!? got that wrong and boom completely broke til I return to the UK 20/8 for Swansea match . Fucking outrageous...beyond livid.

..ahem , yes ITK mmm..
 

Kendall

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Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Messages
38,502
The Jasper info is very strange when you consider Benny's attitude on twitter. You'd have thought if he wasn't feeling alienated, he wouldn't be so outspoken.

Definitely something note right here and I did feel that AVB wouldn't be the type to alienate players but the disappearence of Adebayor and Benny is very strange.
 

Kendall

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Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Messages
38,502
Really need a new signing today to cheer me up, I had far too much drink at the weekend and I've got the horrors big time today. :(
Lucky for you it is likely that Capoue will be announced
 

Llord Flashheart

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 29, 2010
Messages
515
Lurker and window licker here, I gave a few quid last month and once the wife goes back to work after her six month holidays maternity leave I'll throw a few bob into the Black Church SC funds. Nobody told me just how expensive babies are!!! :love:
 

vicbob

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 26, 2008
Messages
1,635
Will drop a tenner in. Its here or Babestation, and A & C is far dirtier than those ugly sluts................and there is a damn site more chance of getting a stiffy on here than watching them.
 
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