The Daily ITK Discussion Thread - The Knee Trembler Edition 9th July 2013

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Archibald&Crooks

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Morning all.​
The scene: The Boardroom at Tottenham Hotspur Football Club​
Those present: Daniel Levy, several lowly paid herberts and countless big titted flossys.​
The Background: Tuesday the 9th July. The pressure was on. Spurs had signed Leandro Damiao some several months ago but had still to announce the deal.​
“I’m coming…..i’m coming” grunted Daniel Levy as a bead of sweat dripped from his nose. His face was red from exertion, he was panting like a greyhound fresh from chasing the hare around the track at Walthamstow dogs. “Don’t stop, i’m nearly there” he grunted as he started panting faster and faster……..

Levy ended the call as he ran into the boardroom.

“Sorry I’m late, the traffic on the High Road is terrible today”

Levy climbed up three steps and eased himself into his corporate high chair as one of his chesty floozies placed a skinny latte on the tray in front of him, lingering just long enough so that she made sure he saw her licking her lips and had ample time to inspect her cleavage.

Yeah, he thought to himself and made a mental note to smash her back doors in later on.

'Right, which deal are on?' he asked. One of his flunkeys picked up a folder and handed it to him.
Oh Leandro fucking Damiao. Again. We signed that **** quite a while ago didn't we? Daniel Levy's eyes rolled back in his head. 'Can we announce it today?'​
A flunkey looked at a clipboard....'Sorry, no, Murraymania is still rife'​
Wednesday? asked Levy​
'The Ashes 1st test match, which, unless the match finishes early takes us to the fifteenth'​
Levy perked up at that 'If it finishes say in three days, that would free up Saturday'​
'No, it's the British Athletic trials'​
'Sunday?', probed Levy​
'The Skelmersdale tittytwisting finals' chimed another flunkey​
'Monday then' said an ever increasingly exasperated Levy​
Sorry, that's the Upper Middlewich knob strangling and minge chokers mixed doubles semi finals​
'For fucks sake!' Levy threw down his pen and banged his head on the edge of his desk as he reached the bottom of the stepladder to his chair.'There must be some way we can announce the deal'​
'Sorry boss. It's them clever conspiracy theorists on SC......every time we plan an announcement, one of them ramps up with a reason why we won't do it. First it was Wimbledon, they said it would steal our Thunder. Then it was the kit launch, they said it would maximise exposure, obviously that was a no-no as it would steal the sponsors thunder, you know what they are like'​
'Fucking Spurs Community' hissed Levy. 'I hate that site.....always moaning about me they are'​
His flunkey said 'But don't forget, you have several bastard sons as members on there, defending your every move, the instant someone criticises you they leap on it like a starving dog in a butchers shop'​
'Don't bastard sons me you twat........now when are we going to fucking announce that we signed Damiao? I want a date and I want it now!' Levy's face was red. Redder than the reddest monkeys bum.​
A big titted 'secretary' moved to calm him down. 'There there Danny....it'll be allright' she said soothingly as she lightly mopped the beads of angry sweat from his bald head. Levy smiled, almost mesmirised by her cleavage which swayed back and forth as she mopped. 'There, there' she said again.....Levy jumped up and booted her straight up the flange. 'Don't there there me you dopey bint'​
The poor girl ran crying into Levy's office. Levy looked up at those seated around the table and said 'give me five, I better go calm her down' and off he went into the office, shutting the door behind him.​
Twenty minutes later, there was still no sign of Levy and time was pressing. The flunkeys were playing a knockout game of paper, scissors, stone to see who would open the office door to get him back to the table.​
'Ah fuck, I lose' said one of the herberts. The rest all giggled as he crept toward the door. His hand reached the door handle and he slowly eased the door open. 'Yes big boy, yes' panted the large jugged secretary 'give it to me'​
The flunkeys gasped at the sight of Levy giving the secretary a knee trembler. She was pinned back against the wall, with her legs wrapped around Levy, who was stood on the desk. Amazing. The flunkey slowly shut the door.​
'Strewth...even gnomes have knee tremblers' said one. 'Shhhh!' said another and a third said 'You gotta hand it to him. He overcomes his height in amazing ways, he's astute, a top businessman and you have no idea of the money involved'........The other flunkeys all turned and stared at him. 'You're one of his bastard sons!' The accused flunky dropped his head and walked slowly out of the room, his cheeks burning with shame at being recognised.​
A few moments later Levy walked out of his office, straightening his tie. 'She'll be OK, i've erm, apologised to her'​
'Yes sir, that works well', said one of the flunkeys. 'I apologised to my wife from behind last night and then apologised all over her face'.....Levy looked at him suspiciously, unsure wether or not he was taking the piss. He made a mental note to sack the funny twat, but not now. Right now he needed ideas.​
Levy climbed the ladder to his chair again. 'OK, what exactly are we going to do? We need to get this announced'​
'Just announce it then' said one of his aides.​
'eh?' several voices chimed in unison.​
'Fuck what else is going on, just announce it. It'll make the news and get good exposure, we're a massive club'​
'eh?' said the voices again. The idea was foreign to them. It was a gigantic leap of faith to have to take. Levy smiled. 'I like your thinking, but I might just have come up with a better idea'​
Everyone leaned forward​
'We announce it on the last day, at the last hour of the transfer window. Right before it closes'​
'Brilliant!' said several people at once​
'Innovative' said a flunkey​
'You're a bona fide genius' said another​
'OK if you all insist, I don't like leaving it so late, but you twisted my arm.........we'll do it on deadline day' said Levy smiling.​
Levy climbed down from his chair and left the boardroom, skipping lightly into his office. One way or another, he always got his way. It was just a matter of playing chess with their minds. Levy sat back in his chair, put his hands behind his head and smiled the smile of the contented.​
Deadline day, he thought to himself. Bring it on.​
THE END​
Today's word of the day is: Smegma​
 

Lilbaz

Just call me Baz
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Hopefully we find out today who's the biggest tapper.

Either chelsea or us should put a bid in for benteke,
 

voxy28

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:unsure: is lookslikemodric consider an itk? He mention Higuain.....
 

Booney

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So if the ITK is to be believed, Benteke puts in a transfer request the day after we showed him round our training ground on the sly?

Anyone getting on their high-horse about how Perez and Madrid 'tapped up' Bale, needs to get off sharpish.
 

worcestersauce

"I'm no optimist I'm just a prisoner of hope
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The transfer request was announced the day after that's not the same thing. It was obviously handed in before.
 

talkshowhost86

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Hopefully we find out today who's the biggest tapper.

Either chelsea or us should put a bid in for benteke,

Unfortunately it's much more likely that Chelsea will meet Villa's valuation.

It would be a massive shift in our transfer approach to spend 20m on him and I just don't see that shift happening.

Hope I'm wrong though.
 

voxy28

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Unfortunately it's much more likely that Chelsea will meet Villa's valuation.

It would be a massive shift in our transfer approach to spend 20m on him and I just don't see that shift happening.

Hope I'm wrong though.
Levy may be think Higuain is a better buy at slightly higher price??
 
D

Deleted member 22380

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Sped read the OP and only the words big titted secretary registered
 

atoubasrightfoot

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Well, you never know, perhaps it was us that pulled the plug on Villa as we had another first choice lined up. Maybe. Thank you for you interest Mr Villa but we have concluded our deal with striker X and we have decided to go with him. (Straws being clutched). Lookslikemodric seems to think we have other irons in the fire.
 

nayimfrom50

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No doubting we are in for Benteke- remains to be seen whether we get him.. I can see the scum going hard for him...
Personally, not convinced he is what we need. If we are going to spend big on one striker we need something different. Our squad is shaping up nicely but is built on pace and power. I don't see the guile to unlock a top 4 team away or a park the bus relegation team at the lane. Given Bale, Pauly and others all bringing goals, I just think we need someone with subtlety and guile with his back to goal (as well as a goal threat obviously). Imagine a young Berba in this side??
For that reason I'd go for a Soldado/Negredo type over Benteke.
All will be hard deals and needs DL to splash the cash so will see.
 
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