- Feb 1, 2005
In keeping with the theme of catering for your mental ages, here's another thread and story to distract you from spamming it to bits.
Little Bald Riding Hood
Once upon a time, there was a little bald boy who lived at a football club in London.
Whenever he went out, the little boy never wore a hat, but a Blue & Yellow riding cloak so everyone in the club called him Little Bald Riding Hood.
One morning, Little Bald Riding Hood asked his mummy if he could go to visit his Executive Director as it had been awhile since they'd seen each other.
"That's a good idea," his mother said. So they packed a nice basket for Little Bald Riding Hood to take to her.
When the basket was ready, the little boy put on his blue & yellow cloak and kissed his mummy goodbye.
"Remember, go straight to Donna's office," his mother cautioned. "Don't dawdle along the way and please don't sign any players! The transfer windows are dangerous."
"Don't worry, mummy," said Little Bald Riding Hood, "I'll be careful."
But when Little Bald Riding Hood noticed some lovely players in the transfer window, he forgot his promise to his mother. He picked a few players, watched the twitter rumours flit about for a while, listened to the experts podcasts and then put in a few lowball bids.
Little Bald Riding Hood was enjoying the warm summer day so much, that he didn't notice a dark shadow approaching out of the rumour mill behind him...
Suddenly, a wolf appeared beside him.
"What are you doing out here, little boy?" the wolf asked in a voice as friendly as he could muster.
"I'm on my way to see my Executive Director who lives at the football club, near the place where transfers rarely occur," Little Bald Riding Hood replied.
Then he realised how late he was and quickly excused himself, rushing down the path to the football club.
The wolf, in the meantime, took a shortcut...
The wolf, a little out of breath from running, arrived at the new stadium and knocked lightly at the door.
"Oh thank goodness dear! Come in, come in! I was worried sick that something had happened to you in the transfer window," said Donna Cullen thinking that the knock was her chairman.
The wolf let himself in. Poor Donna did not have time to say another word, before the wolf gobbled her up!
The wolf let out a satisfied burp, and then poked through Donna's wardrobe to find a nightgown that he liked. He added a scanty lace basque, and for good measure, dabbed some of Donna's perfume called "Profit No5" behind his pointy ears.
A few minutes later, Little Bald Riding Hood knocked on the door. The wolf jumped into the sofabed in Donna's office and pulled the covers over his nose. "Who is it?" he called in a cackly voice.
"It's me, Little Bald Riding Hood."
"Oh how lovely! Do come in, my dear," croaked the wolf.
When Little Bald Riding Hood entered the office, he could scarcely recognise his executive director.
"Donna! Your voice sounds so odd. Is something the matter?" he asked.
"Oh, I just have a stray pube in my throat," squeaked the wolf adding a cough at the end to prove the point.
"But Donna! What big tits you have," said Little Bald Riding Hood as he edged closer to the bed.
"The better to tease you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Donna! What a big arse you have," said Little Bald Riding Hood.
"The better to suffocate you with, my dear," replied the wolf.
"But Donna! What a big strap-on you have," said Little Bald Riding Hood his voice quivering slightly.
"The better to fuck you senseless with, my dear," roared the wolf and he leapt out of the bed and began to chase Little Bald Riding Hood.
Almost too late, Little Bald Riding Hood realised that the person in the bed was not Donna, but a hungry wolf.
He ran across the office and through the door, shouting, "Help! Wolf!" as loudly as he could.
A journalist who was making up stories nearby heard his cry and ran towards the football club as fast as he could.
He grabbed the wolf and made him spit out the poor Executive Director who was a bit frazzled by the whole experience, but still in one piece."Oh Donna, I was so scared!" sobbed Little Bald Riding Hood, "I'll never speak to strangers or dawdle in the transfer window again."
"There, there, Mr Chairman. You've learned an important lesson. Thank goodness you shouted loud enough for this kind journalist to hear you!"
The journalist knocked out the wolf and carried him deep into the forest where he wouldn't bother people any longer.
Little Bald Riding Hood and his executive director had a nice lunch and a long chat.