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The Daily ITK Discussion Thread Aug 16 2012 - THE SMALL KNIGHT RISES

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Bill_Oddie

Everything in Moderation
Staff
Feb 1, 2005
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odr.png

Today marks the 78th year of loyal service for A&C as Admin for this site. As a result, we felt he has earned a lie-in for one morning. So here I am in his stead. He told me that it's a piece of piss. Just take the piss out of everyone, shout some abuse about POTL, list yesterday's ITK and then end on a gag about the wife. Failing that, write a song or story.

Considering the amount of ITK yesterday, the fact that my wife is absolutely beyond perfection and certainly not in any way the source of potential mockery or japery (apropos of nothing, she occasionally checks these page), I hope the following satisfies your outrageous demands for passably mediocre, free content from SC.

If you enjoy this, please remember to donate. :)

If you didn't enjoy it, donate more as we're obviously not paying enough for good writers. ;)


Oh, and any similarities between this story and multi-million dollar budget Hollywood movies is entirely unintentional, naturally. I utterly refute the outrageous suggestion that the following contains not only spoilers but entire chunks of dialogue from a movie currently on at the pictures. So, shush.


The Small Knight Rises - Part One

Tim Sherwood was preparing to say something he hadn’t felt able to say for years. He opened the paper, took a deep breath, then looked into the eyes of the Shelf and… decided against it. He put the paper back in his pocket. “I knew Harry Redknapp,” said Sherwood. “I was his friend. And it will be a very long time before someone… inspires us the way he did.”

“I believed in Harry Redknapp.”


North London had been striker-free for eight years. The area was preparing for Harry Redknapp Day, when fans would celebrate the fact that Tottenham had never since had two points from eight games. Any strikers the club had known were long locked up in the state penitentiary. Or Stoke City FC as it was better known.

Meanwhile, in the skies above Spain…

Special Jose holds Les Ferdinand’s head out of the aeroplane door “Give me Modric.”

Silence.

Jose fires gun. Sir Les is bundled into the cargo hold. He drags Tony Parks to the door. “Give me Modric”

Silence.

As The Special One moves to fire his gun, the final man in the group speaks. “Perhaps he’s wondering why you would shoot a man for not selling you a player when your bid is so desultory.”

“Who are you?” asked Jose.

“It doesn’t matter who we are” came the reply. “What matters is our plan.”

Jose leaned forward, peeling off the sack over his captives head. “Andre. It’s been a long time. Was getting captured part of your plan?”

“Of course.”

“You can’t win this, you know. Madrid are not your average dealers…”

“Neither am I.” said AVB, snapping Mourinho’s neck, sending the plan crashing to the ground while rescuing the Croatian scientist. As they zip-wired upwards into Spurs’ Lear Jet he whispered into Luka’s ear “Now is not the time for fear. That comes later.”



Sherwood watched the action unfold on Sky Sports News. Tottenham had failed to sign any striker. Two days before the season started. Nothing. Sure AVB was popular. But he hadn’t got a striker. Sherwood knew the truth and his hooven sidekick knew it too. “You did nothing for eight years,” said The Goat.

“The Club needed Harry. The Club needed a hero…” whispered Sherwood.

“And now it needs one more than ever,” replied Goat.


The first game of the season. Newcastle away. Having sold Jermain Defoe to Sunderland the day before, AVB was playing a 4-6-0 formation with no strikers. As a young boy sang “Blaydon Races”, his sweet, tender voice, softened with years of drinking Carlsberg Special Brew, echoed around St James Park, Spurs kicked off their campaign. Meanwhile a shady figure stood in the tunnel with a remote control.

“Let the games begin.”

As Giovani dos Santos did his fourth consecutive step-over, putting Fabio Coloccini on his arse, the shadowy figure pressed his remote control. The pitch suddenly imploded, sucking the tiny Mexican into the ground never to be seen again. Even though he had permanently vanished and was unquestionably dead, many Spurs fans still thought the little man could do a job for the club, if only his corpse was located and given a proper chance.

The dust settled. The pitch had gone. The fans were screaming. Out from the tunnel walked the shadowy figure in the white pointy mask.

Terry.

The dangerous twat was dragging a scrawny man beside him.

“Tell these people who you are,” barked Terry.

“I am Ian Broomfield. Spurs’ Head Scout.”

“Who else among this Club can find Spurs a striker?”

“No one.”

“No one?” asked Terry.

Snap.

Broomfield’s neck was broken. He slumped down. Dead.



In a massive, filthy hole in the ground - otherwise known as America – The Small Knight was broken. He was not the man he once was. A wise old man spoke to him. Uncle Joe. “You do not fear having no striker. You think this makes you strong. It makes you weak.”

“Why?” asked Daniel.

“How can you sign more goalkeepers?” replied Old Uncle Joe. “sign more defenders, sign more midfielders, sign more… strikers?... without the most powerful impulse of the spirit. Daring. You no longer dare, Daniel.”
The Small Knight considered his plight for a minute. “I do dare to sign a striker. I dare to go back to England, to find the Club a striker.”

“Then make the flight.”

“How? I can’t get out of this massive hole.”

“To dare is to do, Daniel.”

The Small Knight paused, took a deep breath. He didn’t think he could do it… but then he knew he could.


...to be continued...


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am_yisrael_chai

Well-Known Member
Feb 18, 2006
6,409
10,931
Awesome, I can see the movie offers flooding in :)

A&C who ??

Now for 70 pages of guessing how much we really are selling Modric for without a single mention of any ITK :)-
 

AX-Spur

Well-Known Member
Aug 31, 2011
674
1,051
Wonderful stuff! (y)

Don´t know if it is possible to make a better start to my day, but could we try with some announcement on the OS? Please?

EDIT: Oh the irony of receiving an Optimistic rating from thePessimist... :D
 

codspur

SC Supporter
Jul 14, 2008
2,720
8,488
Good stuff Mr Oddie

I would like to add a new feature to this thread every day called the Dick List.
It's where we name and shame those of limited common sense who still rate dumb posts put in the RO thread that others have taken time to put in there.

So today please step forward Haslingtonspur and The Big E Train you are both Dicks.
 

DJS

A hoonter must hoont
Dec 9, 2006
31,261
21,760
Haslingtonspur and the Big E Train rating posts 'dumb' in the ITK Forum...

Why...

*sighs*
 

Essexyid07

Well-Known Member
Jan 26, 2011
440
608
Morning all
Good stuff BO let's hope DL has read this & it inspires him to get us 2 new shiny strikers FUCKING TODAY!!
Breathe.......
 

Bizness

Team Drama
Jan 10, 2007
2,342
1,414
BEN

Topic: Ok was not gona post as
Posted: Today at 7:57am
I said all be done by Tuesday ade but deal is going ahead and will be done still but I won't say today or I will get told I was wrong if does not happen.

Also I said no other striker and hands ip was wrong now told another be done very soon as well mr levy working his backside off now his back in uk.

Who the other striker is they won't say.
 

yido_number1

He'll always be magic
Jun 8, 2004
8,645
16,810
BEN

Topic: Ok was not gona post as
Posted: Today at 7:57am
I said all be done by Tuesday ade but deal is going ahead and will be done still but I won't say today or I will get told I was wrong if does not happen.

Also I said no other striker and hands ip was wrong now told another be done very soon as well mr levy working his backside off now his back in uk.

Who the other striker is they won't say.

Cheers Biz top whoring as always... Like said above, well done the moron who dumbed the Archie info
 

Hoopspur

You have insufficient privileges to reply here!
Jun 28, 2012
6,332
9,703
Joker! ;)

Good stuff. Let's hope for something today.
 

spursfan77

Well-Known Member
Aug 13, 2005
46,680
104,956
Itk coming firing in early today. Cheers guys.

Let's hope it's a sign of things moving at the club.
 

Danny1

Well-Known Member
Dec 6, 2006
5,622
17,169
Noodles

Topic: Wham and Hud
Posted: Today at 8:11am
watch this space .

Id be very surprised by this you know, if we bought Moutinho then maybe could understand but Id thought a few others would leave first before THudd!
 
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