King of Otters
Well-Known Member
- Jun 11, 2012
- 10,751
- 36,094
The whole article is gold, below are just a few choice pickings.
THE PETER GRIFFIN AWARD FOR HAVING A BAD KNEE
“Do I look like I feel under pressure? When I get home I’ll take my wife for a nice meal, then in the morning wake up and take my dogs for a walk. My life’s very good.” That was ‘Arry Redknapp on 18 January, full of the joys of managing Queens Park Rangers, but he had changed his tune by 3 February. “I can’t walk. I can barely stand,” Redknapp for-sured, announcing his resignation a day after the closure of the winter transfer window. Nineteenth in the Premier League at the time, QPR are hovering mid-table in the Championship now. Triffic work!
THE ARSENAL AWARD FOR HOPELESSLY MISGUIDED OPTIMISM THAT FLIES IN THE FACE OF ALL REASON
Theo Walcott, for his ropey claim in April that Arsenal had been the best team in Europe in 2015. That must have raised a few eyebrows at Monaco, who knocked the best team in Europe out of Europe in March. “Not many people thought we’d be second and challenging for the Premier League,” Walcott trilled on the day when Chelsea moved 13 points clear of third-placed Arsenal and within one victory of winning the title with three games to spare.
THE PONTIOUS PILATE IN THE LIFE OF BRIAN AWARD FOR MISCONCEIVED INTERACTION WITH A CROWD
Lady Sasima, one of the heads of the Thai consortium that took over Reading last year, had a special gift for the club’s fans before the first home match of the season: a new club song, written by herself! Oh how the crowd’s little faces lit up bright red as ‘They Call us The Royals’ boomed out over the sound system, accompanied on the giant screens by a video so cheesy that fans could have thrown tomatoes at it and called the whole thing a pizza topping. Earnestly the assembled dignitaries urged the home fans to sing along to lyrics such as “doesn’t matter if we learn or win, unstoppably we burn within”, but the only sounds came from the away end, where, as luck would have it, there were more than 4,000 Nasty Leeds fans, who weren’t about to pass up an opportunity to mock the risible antics of another club’s owner. When the anthem finished, Lady Sasima addressed the home crowd but her words could not be heard above the giddy chants of “what the effing hell was that?” or something. Undeterred, one of the other consortium chiefs, Sumrith Thanakarnjanasuth, sought to rouse the home faithful by performing a few keepie-uppies on the pitch before booting the ball into the crowd. But he missed. And lo, the scene was perfectly set for a godawful 0-0 draw.
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/dec/17/the-fiver-christmas-awards-2015
THE PETER GRIFFIN AWARD FOR HAVING A BAD KNEE
“Do I look like I feel under pressure? When I get home I’ll take my wife for a nice meal, then in the morning wake up and take my dogs for a walk. My life’s very good.” That was ‘Arry Redknapp on 18 January, full of the joys of managing Queens Park Rangers, but he had changed his tune by 3 February. “I can’t walk. I can barely stand,” Redknapp for-sured, announcing his resignation a day after the closure of the winter transfer window. Nineteenth in the Premier League at the time, QPR are hovering mid-table in the Championship now. Triffic work!
THE ARSENAL AWARD FOR HOPELESSLY MISGUIDED OPTIMISM THAT FLIES IN THE FACE OF ALL REASON
Theo Walcott, for his ropey claim in April that Arsenal had been the best team in Europe in 2015. That must have raised a few eyebrows at Monaco, who knocked the best team in Europe out of Europe in March. “Not many people thought we’d be second and challenging for the Premier League,” Walcott trilled on the day when Chelsea moved 13 points clear of third-placed Arsenal and within one victory of winning the title with three games to spare.
THE PONTIOUS PILATE IN THE LIFE OF BRIAN AWARD FOR MISCONCEIVED INTERACTION WITH A CROWD
Lady Sasima, one of the heads of the Thai consortium that took over Reading last year, had a special gift for the club’s fans before the first home match of the season: a new club song, written by herself! Oh how the crowd’s little faces lit up bright red as ‘They Call us The Royals’ boomed out over the sound system, accompanied on the giant screens by a video so cheesy that fans could have thrown tomatoes at it and called the whole thing a pizza topping. Earnestly the assembled dignitaries urged the home fans to sing along to lyrics such as “doesn’t matter if we learn or win, unstoppably we burn within”, but the only sounds came from the away end, where, as luck would have it, there were more than 4,000 Nasty Leeds fans, who weren’t about to pass up an opportunity to mock the risible antics of another club’s owner. When the anthem finished, Lady Sasima addressed the home crowd but her words could not be heard above the giddy chants of “what the effing hell was that?” or something. Undeterred, one of the other consortium chiefs, Sumrith Thanakarnjanasuth, sought to rouse the home faithful by performing a few keepie-uppies on the pitch before booting the ball into the crowd. But he missed. And lo, the scene was perfectly set for a godawful 0-0 draw.
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/dec/17/the-fiver-christmas-awards-2015
